Tuesday, February 21, 2012


So my Reading Break isn't going according to plan. At all. As a matter of fact, I can no longer even call it Tequila Week. It is, in fact, Reading Break. Seriously, FML. I had a Tequila Saturday, and that's about it. Since then I've been spending more time with my brother and my cats than I have with other normal human beings. 

Everybody Else's Reading Break = getting drunk, partying, and forgetting about life for a while. 
My Reading Break = Watching The Thing with my brother and our two cats while texting all my friends that have girlfriends and wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.  
*Cue Icecream* 


So it is 5pm and instead of blasting tunes and getting ready to go out, I am going to review the movie Drive.  

Lucky for us, Drive (directed by Nicolas Winding Refn) stars Ryan Gosling. And as we know, Ryan Gosling is the human equivalent of God.  

And I'm not going to lie to you all, I kind of have a thing for guys that handle hot cars well. I like guys that appreciate sporty cars and know how to drive standard. Once Upon a time we explored this topic in the Jason Statham Sexy Saturday. Now, of course, if that guy happens to be Ryan Gosling, obviously I'm in some kind of heaven. 

Obviously we're all in some kind of heaven

 Now, this movie is actually really weird, for a number of reasons. 

Reason #1: Ryan Gosling's Character doesn't have a name. Yeah. He's either referred to as "kid" or "the Driver" or whatever. Since I don't want to constantly refer to him as "Ryan Gosling's Character" for the rest of this post, let's just call him Sexy Pants.

Reason #2: Sexy Pants is the strangest character ever. 20 minutes into the film, my brother turned to me and in all seriousness asked: "Is he... simple?" (meaning: is he like Forrest Gump?) I think Gosling tried to portray a quiet, brooding character, but all that came out was an awkwardly silent personality that my brother mistook for mental retardation.   

Reason #3: This movie is Ultra-Violent and it's a complete surprise. Through the first third of the film we're under the impression that this may be a cool action movie. But then out of nowhere comes this brutal gore-fest that even Alex DeLarge would have an issue with. The Elevator Scene? GOOD GOD. 

Reason #4: Sexy Pants is the most inconsistent character practically ever. He starts off as this shy adorable sporty guy that I would be crushing on hardcore in real life. Then suddenly he turns into this smooth family-man/babysitter. Then suddenly he's an action hero, then an assassin, then I don't even know what. Plus, it would have been easy for Gosling to memorize his lines because he practically had none. 

Reason #5: The ending was more suspenseful and OMG than the twist in the Sixth Sense (well, for Gosling fan-girls anyways).

Before I rag on this movie anymore, here are some screen shots of Ryan Gosling doing his thing and being gorgeous: 

Hot like fire.
I've always had a thing for (blonde) Grease-Monkeys.

I just got my Visa Bill and I am LESS THAN PLEASED. *Cue Icecream*


Not even Gosling's face can take away the pain caused by my Visa bill (which doesn't yet include the bazillion dollar gift I bought my friend and that ridiculously expensive cab-ride I took on Saturday AND my University Tuition...)


I need a vacation away from my vacation.

I can't even cope with life right now. My Hockey Team is playing tonight but my luck happens to be directly linked with their luck and today is not a lucky day. The only word present in my mind right now is DOOMED

This will be me in 5 years if things keep going the way they are now.

 I don't even have the enthusiasm to keep talking about Drive. All I have to say is, its only worth your while if you're in it to admire Ryan Gosling's hotness. Or if you enjoy seeing some bitch's head get blown up by a shotgun. Or if you want to see Ryan Gosling slap a bitch across the face (which was actually kind of hot in an omg-I-have-problems sort of way). And I guess that scene where he carries that little boy through the hallway... 

Actually, Ryan Gosling carrying anything is awesome.


And now we all swoon.

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