Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Hotel For Dogs.

You know how sometimes dogs howl in despair? 
I'm pretty sure that happened when Hotel For Dogs (Directed by Thor Freudenthal) came out in 2009.

 One of the major themes of this story was... uh, Juvenile Delinquency!!! Not only does the movie start with an 11 year old boy sealing Rocks in a Cell Pone box and selling them to Pawn Shops, but the whole movie is about a pack of misfit children trespassing in an abandoned hotel and dodging cops and animal control. 

Look how bad ass we are.
 So yeah... I wish I could give some sort of in-depth analysis on the film, divulging all the juicy secrets on how hot the main male character looked shirtless, how fantabulous the cinematography was, how the dialogue was so incredibly well done, and how the story was very thought provoking, but the truth is, there really isn't much to say about this film. It really is just... a hotel full of dogs...

PS: He's the "babe" in this movie.
 Yeah, yeah, yeah... I suppose I'm being a bit harsh. I just didn't like this movie because it didn't peak an interest in me... at all. 
I got into my fair share of shenanigans as a child, like sneaking into the neighbor's back yard and sitting on their horses when no one was looking... 
LAWLS I totally shouldn't be doing this!
Or sneaking into the other neighbor's yard to pet their dog... 
 Although running from cops and breaking into a vacant hotel while hording 50+ dogs is a little extreme. Even for me. 
And the consequences in this film were a little bit skewed. I'm not going to spoil anything for you guys (since I'm sure you're all completely stoked to go see HOTEL FOR DOGS!!!) 

They tried to pull this whole "poor little orphan children" routine. Which didn't really work. I mean, Lisa Kudrow isn't exactly the most evil foster mom I can think of... 
Life sucks when your foster parents think they're rock stars

 They should have just gone to live with Cool Uncle Russell!!!! (Hey, he likes dogs too!) 
HOT DAMN now wouldn't that be a twist!
(BTW: while we're talking about Russell Crowe, I'd like to mention that I found a site that rated Russell Crowe as a meaner, nastier celebrity than... OJ Simpson. wtf. [Link]). 

Right. So back to Hotel for Dogs.... 
What a great movie... 
I think I'm getting distracted... 

And I just jizzed in my pants.

 El Capitain OUT!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Rabbit Hole Trailer

You know how some movies are so sad, yet leave you feeling a bit fulfilled in some way? Those bittersweet movies where characters endure the hard times and come out happier and stronger? Well I think I found another one of those... 
I saw the trailer for a movie called Rabbit Hole. The trailer made me cry. I don't think that ever happened to me before. 
Rabbit Hole (2010) is directed by John Cameron Mitchell and stars Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart. It is based off a play by David Lindsay-Abaire.

The story is about a young couple whose son dies in an accident. I've never seen this movie, so that is all I know. 

Does the pain ever go away?
  Needless to say, the trailer was very well done, and it was enough to get me to choke up a bit. This movie looks so, so sad... yet good? If that makes sense. Bittersweet. 

When I get the chance to see this one I'll post a review as fast as I can. I sure hope it lives up to the trailer. 

El Capitain OUT!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Sexy Saturday: Russell Crowe

Hello and Welcome to the Cinema Club's very first Sexy Saturday! Every Saturday, I hope to choose a particularly foxy actor, and put him up on a pedestal for well deserved ego stroking. And looks to me like our very first Sexy Saturday Nominee is: 
Russell Crowe
Does it get any better than this? Really?
  Russell Ira Crowe, born April 7th 1964 in New Zealand, started his career in acting at a young age in Australia. He appeared in some small roles in Australian TV series in the '70s and '80s. 
I never really used to be a huge Russell Crowe fan, but after seeing The Next Three Days (you can expect a full review of that film soon), my eyes were suddenly opened to the passion and soul this man can bring to the screen.

I shall make you weep with my profound performance.

Upon sitting on a couch at the University with some friends, I brought up Russell Crowe as a Sexy Saturday Nominee. After I made a case about his rugged sexiness, my friend blurted that Russell Crowe seems like the cool, rich, millionaire uncle everyone wants but doesn't have. Uncle Russell... it just rolls off the tongue. 

Let's plan lots of family BBQs. And invite cool Uncle Russell. To all of them.

Although this Oscar Winner is known for having a fiery temper (remember the infamous phone throwing incident in 2005....), he does a fair amount of charity work, donating his money for children, mostly. Personally, my favorite charity act was the $200,000 he donated to a school, to build a swimming pool so kids can learn proper water safety. (You can find a list of his other charities here). 

Thank you, Uncle Russell!

Rusty is an extremely talented actor that is especially good at making you pity, and/or cry for his character. This man has a direct wire to my tear ducts, and my soul usually ends up bleeding for him when something bad happens on screen. 

Exhibit A: Cinderella Man. I cried like a baby.
Exhibit B: Gladiator. I wept like a pathetic child.
Exhibit C: The Next Three Days. My soul bled. Profusely.
Mr. Crowe has also managed to russell up some other talents (Ha!) when he initiated his inner musician. That's right, kids. He's the lead singer and guitarist of the band Russell Crowe and the Oridnary Fear of God. [You can discover his music and vocal talents for yourself... He's not very good so please be nice.] [Link]

Damn friggin' straight I'm rockstar.

Russell Crowe is awesome, phone throwing and media bribing rumors aside. From now on, I will never hesitate to check out a Russell Crowe flick... he is a phenomenal character actor, and plays some very intriguingly adorable characters.  
Thus concludes our very first Sexy Saturday

El Capitain OUT!

Hugging a sick dog!? Best. We love you, Uncle Rusty.

Hey there, El Capitain. Thanks for the Sexy Saturday nomination! You're inviting me to a BBQ? Of course I'll be there.

Thursday, March 24, 2011


The Cinema Club reviews movies. But upon seeing one particular music video on youtube, I couldn't resist posting an entry on something non-movie related. 
This music video was jam-packed with so much fail that I very nearly ROFL'ed. I looked a bit like this: 

  So the video I am about to show you is called "Butterflies". I stumbled upon the link on youtube, after wiping the blood off my ears after hearing Rebeca Black's Fail-Bomb of a song "Friday."  Butterflies pretty much stars a prepubescent girl on her quest to snag the boy of her dreams. He gives her butterflies. I'll let you watch for yourself: 

 HOLY AUTO-TUNE, BATMAN! I mean, is this for real? Is this seriously on iTunes? Who snorted so much coke that they thought it was OK to produce this? 

I suppose the part of this video that amused me the most, was the fact that it was a pack of 12 year olds experiencing some sort of "You stole my man!" Soap Opera melodrama. Not to mention these children are air-brushed and dressed to look like young adults. 

My exuberant laughter began when we first saw Miss Alana's crush... the short, pale, and not-so handsome boy sitting a few seats up. 

I think my balls just dropped.

Now don't get me wrong, butterflies are great... but here's the harsh reality of things... THIS:
  Does not happen.  Boys will not sit around after school with you, drawing butterflies. Especially when a prepubescent blonde babe in a bikini wants him to come over so they can drink virgin Pina-Coladas and talk about how awesome iCarly is.
Sweet, I sure hope they have virgin Strawberry Daqueries! Preferably with paper umbrellas.
GASP! Hand holding!? That's practically second base!
Is it just me, or was this entire video filmed with an intense soft focus? Also, who the hell is that failure rapper doing the Rap-bit on the white board? Flo-Rida's retarded cousin? And I would just really like to point out how insanely creepy that teacher is when Miss. Alana sings her grand confession in front of the class....
I approve...
 I personally get a kick out of that nine year old that just nodded all solemnly during the confession bit.
This is correct.
I know for a fact that back in high school, if I were to have stood up in front of the class and belted out to my crush "You give me butterflies!" Not only would my teacher tell me to shut up and sit down, but no one would nod, and the guy would most likely die of embarrassment. 
Outburst + Appropriate male reaction
  All in all... I thought that Butterflies was hilarious and good for a nice laugh, but in reality, it's probably best that kids are watching that, rather than Ke$ha.

I puke glitter
  El Capitain OUT!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Hot Tub Time Machine

Pop Quiz
What do you get when you mix together a Russian Energy Drink, Vodka, A Hot Tub, and Four Miserable Dudes? 
If you said: A time traveling adventure back to the 1980's, you are absolutely correct!
The Hot Tub Time Machine (2010), is directed by Steve Pink and stars John Cusack, Rob Corddry, and Craig Robinson as four Best Friends experiencing a bout of really bad luck. When they hear that Lou (played by Rob Corddry), is in the hospital after an attempt at suicide, they decide to pack up their bags, and Adam's basement troll nephew Jacob (played by Carl Duke), and escape to Kodiak: a winter resort and party hot spot from their youth. Upon arriving in Kodiak (which, awesomely enough, was filmed in Fernie, BC) they realize that their favorite place to party is completely dead, much like their lives. So what else to do then get absolutely smashed and jump in the hot tub? 

Cheers, Bro!
  Somewhere along the blurred, drunken line, a can of "Chernobyl" is spilled in the hot tub... and all four dudes are magically transported back in time to 1986. Dumbstruck, Adam, Lou and Nick figure that if they relive that night exactly as they did back in 86', they can get back to their regular, boring lives.    

F*ck Ya, Chernobyl!!!
As the guys start having fun in the past and some...distractions (wink wink nudge nudge) come along, the guys suddenly wonder if by some strange, magical Energy Drink power, they're being given a chance to change their lives. Wouldn't be such a bad idea, except that Jacob suddenly begins to flicker... alarmed, they realize that if they do not spend their evening exactly as they did back in the day, there's a possibility that Jacob will cease to exist!
Must be some kinda... hot tub time machine...

Hot Tub Time Machine is extremely raunchy, and is full of crude humor, colorful language, and some... interesting... subject matter. But I'll admit... I loved it! I laughed the whole way through, and I found it very amusing.   
The most vulgar things come spewing from this man's mouth.
If raunchy humor isn't your thing, I wouldn't recommend this movie. It's geared more towards 18 year old guys. But if you appreciate crude humor and sex jokes, this movie is for you. I've seen it twice, and would definitely see it again. It's a brainless comedy about alcohol, sex, and some peculiar male bonding. The ultimate raunchy adventure of 2010. 
El Capitain OUT!
Great White Buffalo....
Goooood times.....

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Actors: Good Things Come In Small Packages?

The truth is, I actually haven't seen a movie in weeks. I've been too busy watching hockey. With all this hot controversy about head shots in hockey,  I had a conversation with my father about Zdeno Chara. That of course lead to a talk about his mutant height (6'9 without skates...!!!).

I imagine he's letting out a guttural, mutant-like cry.
 The conversation quickly turned to people on the opposite end of the height spectrum. My father posed a rather peculiar question... "Why are actors so short?" I found this question to be completely ridiculous (my father's definition of short is anything under 6feet- I beg to differ). But he did make a bit of a case... lots of very successful actors are in fact under 6feet. 
Tom Cruise, who is 5'7 (and I'll admit, not particularly tall for a dude) has an estimated wealth of $250million dollars. 
Johnny Depp, who is 5'10 (which is in my opinion an ideal height), makes about 75 million a movie. 
Ben Stiller, who is 5'8, made about 53million for Night At The Museum.
The list continues with actors who stand under 6ft, including Adam Sandler, Tom Hanks, Leonardo DiCaprio, Daniel Radcliffe, Robert Downey JR, Brad Pitt, Russell Crowe and George Clooney. They all make approximately over 19million dollars per movie. 

One of my favorite actors, Tim Roth, who happens to posses a wealth of talent, stands at 5'7. The list of "short actors" continues... so the question is raised: Do great things come in small packages? Do shorter actors posses more talent than taller ones? I highly doubt this. But it makes an interesting investigation. 

George Clooney: wealthy, talented and attractive!
 El Capitain OUT! 
PS: Don't be shy, feel free to leave a comment below! :) 
What do YOU think?

Monday, March 21, 2011


Today, I would like to introduce you to my love for The Second World War. The movie I am going to review today is Defiance (2008). Defiance is directed by Edward Zwick, and stars Daniel Craig, Liev Schreiber and Jamie Bell as three Jewish brothers, caught in Nazi Occupied Poland and Belorussia.
The dark mood for the movie is set right off the bat. Jamie Bell, who plays Asael Bielski, delivers a bit of a punch with his tear-jerking performance. 
I shall make you WEEP with my cuteness
I'm not a really big crier in movies... but when the men cry, I can't help but cry too. So when Asael Bielski started the film with a weepathon, I knew this movie wouldn't be a particularly joyful one. The story follows the four Bielski brothers, as they flee into the forests of Belorussia to escape from the Nazis. Along the way, they start picking up other Jews who had the same idea. As winter approaches, Tuvia (Daniel Craig) and Zus (Liev Schreiber), the older Bielski brothers, realize that feeding and sheltering the refugees with be an incredibly difficult task. 
Defiance is an emotionally draining film, as the actors did a good job making it clear to the audience that their characters were suffering a great deal. 
Brotherly love
 I'll admit that I found the winter scenes to be particularly unsettling, especially as the constantly growing group begins to starve, and Typhus takes hold.  People begin to fight, and much like Lord Of The Flies, men start to fight for dominance. If you throw the Soviets into the mix right when the Sibling Rivalry gets at its worse, you have a grueling story ready to take place.
'Tis a wee bit chilly outside...
Though this movie does have some romantic bits, it's never really a happy romance. 
My Response to this? (See Below)

Especially for a lonely soul like me. Because I have a mini crush on Jamie Bell. And for some reason this relationship just irked me. A lot. 
Naaahhh, I joke. I thought it was cute. It was bound to happen. And they were all awkward and adorable and Jamie Bell reminded me of me. 


But in all seriousness, in a movie like this, tender sweet moments are a total relief, because it was depressing and sad, and it sure as hell made me wish that somehow there would be a happy ending. 
All in all, I would say that Defiance was a decent movie. Although it is not uplifting and happy, and warm moments are few and far between, I found it to be a good, well directed film that made me feel very thankful to be safe and warm in my home with my family.  Like most WWII movies, it had a downcast, chilly, grey feel to it.
So, if you're a WWII buff, I'd say to go check this out. It is based on a true story, and is really a window into the suffering that these poor people went through.  


El Capitain OUT!
You can view the trailer here.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Well that's dumb.

There are a lot of bad movies out there. You know, those films that seem to insult your intelligence and make you wonder: Who the hell agreed to make this? Yes, those films. We've racked up a few over the years, the list including (in my humble opinion): Caveman (1981, directed by Carl Gottlieb), Short Circuit (1986, directed by John Badham), Phil the Alien (2004, directed by Rob Stefaniuk), and The Pink Panther (2006, directed by Shawn Levy)...just to name a few. 
Upon seeing the trailer for Sucker Punch, all I could really say was: "Well that looks dumb." 
If you ask a guy what he thinks about Sucker Punch, he'll just chuckle awkwardly while trying to hide the tent in his pants. 

...really, guys? Really?...

Not only does the entire movie look green-screened, but the acting looks atrocious and the costumes look like they came  from the clearance rack of a sex store. 
Home for the mentally insane... or brothel!?!?
When I saw that Sucker Punch was rated PG-13 my jaw kinda hit the floor. Speaking of 13, Emily Browning does not look like she was born in '88. 

Jail bait?

I suppose there are things in life we will never understand. For some people, it may be calculus. For others, it may be Shakespeare. For me, it's why someone would spend 85 million dollars on a bunch of girls running around in lingerie.

So will I spend $12.50 to see this in theaters? 
Absolutely not.
Will I hear about it from all my guy friends? 
Most likely.

El Capitain OUT!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

The Incredible Hulk

Though I never read comic books, I've always gotten a sense of joy from watching movies based on Marvel Comics! Think: Iron man, Spider man, the Hulk, etc. I think there's something so wonderful to be found from something that cheesy. So today, I think it would be fun to discuss The Incredible Hulk (2008). 

The Incredible Hulk, starring Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, and, GASP, Tim Roth (!) is pretty much a re-do of Hulk (2003), starring Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly and sam Elliott. The Incredible Hulk (TIH), follows more or less the same story line, where Bruce Banner (in this case played by Edward Norton) is exposed to gamma radiation in an experiment gone wrong (or "very right", according to the general). What does this gamma radiation do to Mr. Banner, you may ask? Well, whenever his pulse gets racing at 200bpm, he turns into the giant green monster we all know as THE HULK

  Now, the aspect of this film that I truly admire, is that they cast an actor that I really like LOVE: Tim Roth! Tim Roth plays Emil Blonsky, a soldier that, in my humble opinion, is suffering a bit of a mid-life Crisis ... at the age of 39. So when he's offered the chance to become a super soldier, Blonsky accepts. And awesome stuff like this starts to happen:
But like almost every villain in the history of movies, Blonsky keeps wanting MORE. To the point where he doesn't mind becoming a nasty looking harbinger of death, otherwise known as "The Abomination". 

From HOT...
...To NOT

Aside from Blonsky's major Faux-Pas, I found this movie to be very entertaining, in several aspects. Not only does it include explosions, the destruction of a chunk of NYC, lots of men running around in uniforms and guns, PLUS a decent story, but it also hosts a cute little love story. Although Edward Norton is not a Stud-muffin, he is pretty darn cute.  

I'll take Norton over Patty's Derp Face any day!

 If you throw super-babe Liv Tyler into the mix, things go places pretty fast (if you catch my drift). 
You Know you're jealous.
Now there's a movie couple I give a THUMBS UP. 
All in all, I'd say that TIH is an enjoyable film that's worth watching. Just don't expect a super serious, hard-core action packed, blood n gore extravaganza. TIH is a bit cheesy, and is geared towards younger fans that get a kick out of "HULK SMAAASSSHHHH!!!
But It's a film that I've seen multiple times, and will continue to watch. 

The Hulk and Betty discussing how much they love King Kong?

El Capitain OUT!