Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A 30 Day Film Challenge?

So as some of you facebookers may know, this new "Timeline" thingy is going to be mandatory pretty soon. I read somewhere that if there are things on your facebook that you'd really rather nobody else see, now is the time to get rid of them. So I've been trashing my own facebook, deleting albums from the past, untagging photos, etc. I happened to have come across an album called "30 Day Film Challenge". Hmmm. The idea is that every day for 30 days, you talk about movies. All I have to say is: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. I only got 4 days in the last time I tried, but I'm willing to give it another shot. Readers, here is the challenge:

Day 1 - Your Favorite Film
Day 2 - Your Least Favorite Film
Day 3 - A Film You Watch to Feel Good
Day 4 - A Film You Watch to Feel Down
Day 5 - A Film That Reminds You of Someone
Day 6 - A Film That Reminds You of Somewhere
Day 7 - A Film That Reminds You of Your Past
Day 8 - The Film You Can Quote Best
Day 9 - A Film With Your Favorite Actor (Male)
Day 10 - A Film With Your Favorite Actor (Female)
Day 11 - A Film By Your Favorite Director
Day 12 - A Film By Your Least Favorite Director
Day 13 - A Guilty Pleasure
Day 14 - The Film That No One Expected You To Like
Day 15 - The Film That Depicts Your Life
Day 16 - A Film You Used to Love, But Now Hate
Day 17 - Your Favorite Drama Film
Day 18 - Your Favorite Comedy Film
Day 19 - Your Favorite Action Film
Day 20 - Your Favorite Romantic Film
Day 21 - Your Favorite Sci-Fi/Fantasy Film
Day 22 - Your Favorite Horror Film
Day 23 - Your Favorite Thriller/Mystery Film
Day 24 - Your Favorite Animated or Children's Film
Day 25 - Your Favorite Documentary Film
Day 26 - Your Favorite Foreign Language Film
Day 27 - Your Favorite Independent Film
Day 28 - The Most Obscure Film You've Ever Seen
Day 29 - Your Favorite Film As a Kid
Day 30 - Your Favorite Film This Time Last Year 

THIS is going to be fun.  

So eager to talk about movies!
And what's the date, anyways? 
*Checks broken phone*
January 31st. 
If we start this challenge today, we'll be done at the end of Feb. AWESOME. Let's do this.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Worst day ever.

Today I was running errands. I was in a store and they played a song that reminded me of the guy that broke my heart. Then in the parking lot I accidentally dropped my phone and the screen completely shattered. I have a Doctor appointment on Monday and another on Tuesday. I have an entire German project due tomorrow and I have no desire to even start working on it. One of my favorite hockey players was traded off in a really stupid trade. 

 Monday morning happens in 13 and a half hours. 


Saturday, January 28, 2012

Sexy Saturday: Christoph Waltz

Readers! I think what I have for you this week is possibly the Sexiest Sexy Saturday ever!

For Reals!?

GET EXCITED. Because this week's Sexy Saturday is....

Christoph Waltz!
Hot... DAMN! <3

Fangirl Pandemonium!

Seriously folks, this is exciting stuff. If you're not already convinced I can guarantee you'll be drooling by the end of this post. Christoph Waltz is one hot son of a bitch and you will soon see why. But first, we must cover the basics. 

Christoph Waltz is a talented actor, born on October 4th, 1956 in Vienna, Austria. And as we know from the Matt Damon Sexy Saturday, the hottest guys are born in October. Its truth! It's fact! It's textbook!

Now, upon Googling Christoph Waltz, I came upon this rather... odd... search result:

Trolololo? Srsly? ....wtf?

I was confused too. So I looked it up on youtube.... and at first I was reluctant to share this video. But then I figured you'd all find it on your own anyways so I might aswell include it in this post. Yeah, it's weird. And I have no excuses. But now that we've gotten that out of the way we can move on now and appreciate the hotness that is Christoph Waltz.

  Moving on now. 

Waltz has been acting for years, but it wasn't until Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds hit the big screens did Waltz get Hollywood attention. Most of Waltz's acting was done in European TV series. But since Inglourious Basterds, Waltz has now had roles in movies such as The Green Hornet, Water for Elephants, The Three Musketeers, and Carnage.

Might I add, Waltz's performance in Inglourious Basterds was beyond supreme, and I cheered my lungs out when he won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor.  

Col. Awesome
Damn Straight.
Furthermore, Christoph Waltz can speak a bagillion languages and if that doesn't get you hot under the collar, I don't know what will. (By a bagillion I mean 3). And 3 is impressive because he's fluent in them. English, French, and German. Geil! 

Now sit back and enjoy this gif: 

For those of you who have never seen Inglourious Basterds, I implore you to go and watch it. It is one of my favorite movies and it was absolutely amazing. Christoph Waltz's acting was jaw droppingly awesome. The sex appeal he exuded was dizzying and you can't help but wish you could be pressed against him while he's in that uniform. 

Plus, he's freakin' adorable.

There's no denying how much you love this photo.

Now I'm going to spoil all of you with photos of him as a young man.  
You're welcome.

He even looks good when he's filthy.

Oh my God, Christoph Waltz.
See, I told you he was one hell of a sexy guy! Now I must put this Sexy Saturday to a close. But you know, Readers, I feel pretty good. Because I know that all around the world, women are swooning over Christoph Waltz. And he deserves that. 

Round of applause, please.

Friday, January 27, 2012

The post of movie hate

Worst week of my life, readers. And I'm not being dramatic. It was pretty damn awful. I swear those Evil Gnomes were at it again. Here's what they cooked up this time: 

Evil Gnome #1: You know, we were way too nice when we decided to send Tim Roth, Jamie Bell and Gary Oldman to Milan together to model Prada. 
Evil Gnome #2: That was completely against our original intentions to bring this young lady nothing but misery and despair. 
Evil Gnome #3: We should come up with something extra terrible to even things out.
Evil Gnome #2: Excellent idea. 
Evil Gnome #1: We should make her watch a movie in Film Class about love and adultery. Rubbing the fact that she's heart broken in her face is possibly the most horrendous thing we could do.
Evil Gnome #3: Brilliant! Also, we should make every seat that she sits in at the University extra squeaky. 
Evil Gnome #2: How delightfully diabolical! 
Evil Gnome #1: How about a pop quiz in German class about the subject she's least sure about?  
Evil Gnome #3: Perfect! 
Evil Gnome #1: And another test in Film class!
Evil Gnome #3: Even better! 
Evil Gnome #2: Let's make her vomit in the car on Monday. 
Evil Gnome #3: This is our best idea yet. 

And then they did lots of this: 


 But I shouldn't complain that much, as I happened to have had the most amazing Tuesday EVAR. My Dad took me to a hockey game, and that brought immense amounts of joy to my heart. My family was watching the game at home, and since I was the only one actually cheering at the game, they heard me screaming on TV. This makes me feel somewhat famous and important. OK, back to business now. 

Since I'm festering in this negative mood, I might aswell make a list about my least favorite movies and share it with the world. You're welcome.

My Top 10 Least Favorite Movies 

10. True Grit

So, I really dislike Western Movies. And that's really strange, because I love the country and I'm a genuine Cowboy-approved Horse Girl. But man oh man, there's something about Western Flicks that I just can't stand. Don't get me wrong, there are a few exceptions (My Name is Nobody, Young Guns) but on the most part its fair to say that if it's a Western, I don't want to watch it. Though I had high hopes for True Grit. Obviously it will be filled with pretty ponies, and Matt Damon is in it. So... you know, it was worth the risk. 
Surprise! It's Matt Damon. Yeuch.
 But my hopes were quickly extinguished, as Matt Damon had a mustache, and Jeff Bridges stars in most of the film. I hate Jeff Bridges. I think he's a stinker. I suppose there's really nothing for me to be complaining about. The film was well acted, the story was pretty good, and if I remember correctly it had a decent score. So why so much hate? I really couldn't tell ya. I just didn't like it. Though one thing I did approve of was the gorgeous scenery. But I live in Canada so I see gorgeous scenery all the time. It would be more worthwhile to go on a hike than watch True Grit.

9. In the Mood for Love

I was in Film class on Thursday sitting in my squeaky hard Plastic seat wearing Sweatpants and wondering what kind of movie we'd be watching. Then the prof said "If anybody has some kind of inner loathing for beautiful things, this is your cue to leave." And I thought: Jeeze I'd better get the hell outta dodge! How could I possible sit through a movie called In the Mood for Love when my heart is broken? I'll never be in the mood for love ever again! As a matter of fact, I've decided I'm done with men forever and while I've been looking at Nunneries to join I've been working on my collection of cats. It's just not fair! But since my grade depended on my watching this film, I hunkered down in my seat and miserably ate a Tim Horton's Banana Nut Muffin, prepared for the shit-fest that would soon begin. So, In the Mood for Love is a film by Kar Wai Wong. My Prof and that kid I sit next to were under the impression that this film is immensely beautiful. I just didn't see it. As a matter of fact, I thought it was really f*cking dumb. Not only were none of the characters in the film ever actually "in the mood for love", but the movie was about cheating spouses and a romance that never really happened. 
This is what I looked like through the entire film.
And frankly, I don't see any beauty in unrequited love, a dilapidated apartment in Hong Kong, and a way-too-skinny leading lady that eats nothing but white rice and noodles. I suppose it's all a matter of opinion, and it's really quite possible that I'm the only cynical bastard that found this movie the be a pain in the ass. But let's be serious. This movie was junk and nobody actually likes Subtitled films.

8. Planet of the Apes (2001)

So I recently expressed my utter disgust for this film in what was possibly my most profane entry to date [Link]. But I'm willing to talk about it again, in a more civil manner. I disliked this movie so much because I found it deeply unsettling. I hate the idea of apes ruling the planet, and I hate (with every fiber of my being) the fact that my darling Tim Roth pretty much starred in this film as an ill-tempered monkey. Not gonna lie, he lost some sex appeal that night. Speaking of Sex Appeal, that was another aspect of this film that made me react like this: 


They tried to make their apes sexy. And I mean, come on. What the hell. Helen Bonham Carter played the leading she-ape, and they tried to create some kind of demented lust story between her and Mark Wahlberg. To which I shriek: "NO! YOU'RE A F*CKING MONKEY FOR CHRIST SAKE!" I pretty much went batshit insane after the kiss scene and decided that this movie was too much weird for me to handle.   

7. Sin City

 OK, So I don't hate Frank Miller's Sin City, but I sure as hell don't like it. Again, it was just way too weird for me. I've seen it twice, and though I find it tolerable, I don't go out of my way to watch it. When I was in Cuba with my friend, she found a Spanish version on our Hotel Room TV. I watched for like, half an hour. Then I turned over and fell asleep. I had a big issue with that whole hooker thing, and I dunno... it was just way too strange. The women were way over-sexualized, and that sort of shit is no fun for us chicks to watch. Unless of course you're a lesbian. Then you might enjoy it. And believe me, I am no lesbian, and I really didn't find any joy in watching Jessica Alba act like a whore.

 So I suppose this film was quite creative, and I'll admit it was intriguing and "different". If it weren't for the rampantly disgusting whorish females in the film, I may have found it more enjoyable to watch.   

6. Journey to the Center of the Earth

 Just so fucking bad.

5. The Skeleton Key

 You know those movies that draw you in and completely absorb you and have you on the edge of your seat then go and have a completely terrible ending that makes you feel like screaming/demanding the last 2 hours of your life back? Yeah. The Skeleton Key was one of those movies. It was good. Taking place in the deep south and sporting beautiful cinematography. Although, it was very creepy. The Skeleton Key is a thriller, and boy did it live up to its genre. But the ending... I just can't get over how AWFUL the ending was. And those kinds of movies are never fun. Because as humans, we always hope for a happy ending. 

4. 30 Days of Night

 Ok, so before I begin I have to give the filmmakers some credit. Its a vampire movie and the vampires don't sparkle. They're actually bloodthirsty creeps that come out only at night. Ok, Kudos. Now we tear it apart. I had high hopes for this film, it had a spooky premise playing on the fact that parts of the arctic can get completely dark for up to a month (thus 30 days of night). Is there not a better setting for a vampire movie? An isolated town thats stuck in night for a month? HELLO! That's awesome! But unfortunately this movie fell victim to poor acting and a weak story line. It got 6.6 stars on IMDB but I wouldn't even give it that. If you're watching a movie and you can't even wait for it to end, there's a problem. Honestly I think you might have more fun watching Twilight. And no, that was not a joke. At least with Twilight you can laugh at Edward's glitter and the fact that Kristen Stewart is the human equivalent of a blank piece of paper. This movie was just weak sauce. 

Hey Bella, wanna kiss?

3. Dream Catcher

I had really high hopes for this movie. And I actually really enjoyed the first third of the film. It was actually really creepy. Plus, I really liked this one guy's catch phrase "Fuck me Freddy." I love saying "Fuck me Freddy." Because when I think of Freddy I think of Tim Roth's character in Reservoir Dogs and he's really freakin' hot so now every time I swear I get a little bit turned on. 

Gorgeous, son
 Right. So back to Dreamcatcher. Of course the first guy to kick the bucket is really cute. That set the tone, right there. But I guess what gets this film onto the list of movie hate is the fact that it had so much freakin' potential. It's Stephen King, for starters. And the setting was a forest in the wintertime. It had all the potential to be a freak-fest but it was such a let down! The story got so weird and then there was something about Aliens, and by the time Samuel L Jackson showed up I was shaking my head trying to figure out what the hell was going on with the guy with multiple personality disorder and why the other guy had an obsession with chewing on toothpicks. Furthermore, the aliens at the end were just really pathetic and sort of resembled dinosaurs. If that doesn't convince you, I'm sure this picture will: 
Beware ginger with dog on his shoulders.
2. Unfaithful 

This movie brought sadness to my heart. I have a big issue with cheating, and this movie is about a cheating wife that destroys her family. It was a very well done film, but it was so incredibly sad. To watch her husband's heart break over the course of the film was heart wrenching. I think that cheating is incredibly low and disgusting and only the very worst people do it. This entire film was about some chick cheating and believe me, it was unsettling to watch. Lots of people like the movie because the sex scenes were pretty hot, but to be honest I found myself cringing the entire time. "BUT HE'S NOT YOUR HUSBAND!" I found myself screaming at the screen. Well that didn't stop her. 

Look how broken he is. You're such a whore.
This movie was really well done in a sense that I became absorbed in it and I felt like I wanted to interact with the characters. But it lands itself in the list of movie hate because of the apparent theme and because of the yucky feeling it left me with. Nobody likes heartbreak, and it sucks to watch it happen almost as much as it sucks to be in it. This movie shouldn't be called "Unfaithful", it should be called "Shit that happens when you act like a whore".    

1. Reign of Fire

OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE IS AWFUL. It takes place in a post-apocalyptic world where dragons are scaring the living shit out of everyone and forcing them to live in volcanoes or something stupid like that. Reign of Fire is a movie about what happens when men grow up with an obsession with fairy tales. It is about dragons and people that are pretending to be all cool and bad ass but looking like fucking idiots in the process. I give up. I'll share the summary provided on IMDB: "A brood of fire-breathing dragons emerges from the earth and begins setting fire to everything, establishing dominance over the planet." Are you fucking serious? Who pitched that shit and who smoked enough crack to think its a good idea? "Begins setting fire to everything." Oh god, what is the world coming to? That's crap. So much crap. And that's honestly what the movie is about. A bunch of fucking dragons flying around starting shit on fire and Christian Bale trying to be all cool and doing I don't even know what to stop them. Uhg. And this isn't even one of those movies like Trolls 2 where its so bad it's hilarious. Whoever made this was dead fucking serious and everyone acting in it was trying to be all hard-core. Reign of Fire failed harder than this kid trying to sled down the stairs on a mattress: 

(I'm going to hell for the intensity with which I laughed at this clip)

Instead of wasting more time talking about Reign of Fire, I'm going to show you terrible movie clips that are better than this horrendous movie. Enjoy. :) 

I hope those clips brought you all sorts of joy.  

In conclusion, I hope you can agree with me on this list of movie-hate. If you didn't, well, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I hope at least that amusing Jonathan Toews gif brought some laughter.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Planet of the Apes! And Profanity!

There are things out there that people commonly refer to as "Disturbing". Certain things strike people in bad ways and cause negative reactions. What are some things that are often identified as disturbing? 

Well lots of soldiers will say that going to war and watching their comrades die is disturbing. We call that PTSD.  View Below.


I can also safely say that for us ladies, seeing a penis for the first (and second and third and fourth) time is pretty damn disturbing. 

I swear to god its staring right at me!
And what else is disturbing? Well some of you people may say the death of a loved one, a natural disaster, or that time your cat, Mr. Whiskers, got run over by a car. For me, it was Planet of the Apes. The 2001 version. 

"WTF" doesn't even begin to cover my reaction...
So I'm sure you all know the idea behind planet of the apes. Some guy in outer space crash lands on a planet that's pretty much ruled by Apes and he becomes captured and kept as a pet.

...or something like that. 

So if that wasn't weird enough, the film makers tried to add sex appeal to these apes. 

And I'm like: WTF you're a fucking monkey

Even Wallyberg is like: WTF You're a fucking monkey.

Believe me, it was WEIRD.

And to make matters worse, my darling favorite actor Tim Roth was in the movie. As a fucking monkey. 

Motherfucker NO!

That's when that movie went from Weird to Disturbing for me.


 I developed an eye twitch while watching that film. It was pretty brutal. But I figured I would watch the whole movie, from start to finish. I would be left with horrible nightmares if I didn't see the film to the end. Or so I thought.  And the movie was actually somewhat tolerable. Then this happened: 



And just when you thought things couldn't get any worse than Mark Wahlberg locking lips with an overgrown chimpanzee... it managed to get worse. The ending of that movie BLEW. And by blew, I mean it blew harder than [insert dirty prostitute joke here] 
I lost all respect for Mark Wahlberg. 


So what's the significance of this post? Nothing, really. My brother has been pestering me to watch the NEW Planet of the Apes movie with him. My answer is a definite:

And I recommend everyone else say NO aswell. 

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Sexy Saturday: Spike Lee

I did it, readers! I remembered to bring you a Sexy Saturday!

'Grats, Brah. 

This week's Sexy Saturday, like Alumnus Rutger Hauer, was finer... back in the 1980's. Though he still possess loads of talent and here at the Cinema Club, we like that. So without further ado, I bring to you this week's Sexy Saturday: 

Spike Lee 


So how did I discover Spike Lee? I'm in a film class in University, and on Thursday we watched a movie called Do The Right Thing, which happens to be written and directed by Spike Lee. He also played the main character. So you can say he's a pretty hands on film maker. That's cool! 

Part of the reason why I've taken a liking to Spike Lee is because of the character he played in Do The Right Thing. He was a really stand up guy, popular in his Brooklyn neighborhood, and patient. 

Spike Lee was born on March 20th, 1957 in Atlanta, Georgia. Lee has directed a great number of films, the most popular being Inside Man, Malcolm X, Do the Right Thing, and She's Gotta Have it. But it doesn't stop there. Lee has also writes and acts in a number of his own films. 

I really like Spike Lee's facial expressions. He has a way of coming across completely unamused and uninterested in what you have to say. I like it. 


A couple months ago I was staying away from home. I woke up every morning to a really cool Shad poster. There's something about Spike Lee's facial expressions and attitude that reminds me of that Shad the Old Prince poster. 
I approve. 

Spike Lee happens to be a HUGE basketball fan. And by huge, I mean HUGE
Nice hat. I like the color.

So Spike Lee is a pretty cool guy. Obviously he's a talented film maker, and he's a pretty good actor too. I think he's cute and there's something about him that's pretty attractive.

PS: He's on Twitter. Do the Right thing (HA!) and check him out! @SpikeLee 

ALSO: I quite recommend you guys check out the movie Do The Right Thing. It was very entertaining and touched on some important issues.