Yes, I am in fact sticking with these Timmy Tuesday shenanigans. Weekly Tim Roth posts are just far too good to resist. I can almost guarantee that after a month or two of Timmy Tuesdays, all you non-believers will be converted Rothy fans. This week's topic is:
Bromance.
Because there are few things more awesome than a good old fashioned bromance.
And believe it or not, Rothy has the whole bromance thing nailed. He does it almost as good as Boston Bruins Brad Marchand and Tyler Seguin.
Death by cuteness!
Now as we know, Tim Roth is pretty much BFFs with Gary Oldman. In relation to Marchand and Seguin, Tim is Brad (they have the same freakin' nose) and Gary is Tyler.
Bromance: You're doing it right.
There is a photo we encountered on the Tim Roth Sexy Saturday that we love here at the Cinema Club. In this photo Tim wrote Gary a note. On his forehead. View below:
Well guess what, folks? Gary wrote him a note back.
Waow.
Fangirl Pandemonium!
So that's pretty darn cute. I like putting the two photos side by side.
When Tim found out Gary thinks he's sexy this was his reaction:
♥
Tim and Gary fans are currently experiencing cuteness overload. Meanwhile, the rest of the world is in awe at Timmy's awesome shirt in the above photo. Although Rothy saves his best bromancing for Gary, he does share his adorableness with other men aswell.
Dearest Readers, so once again it is your favorite day of the week: Sexy Saturday. Before we get into all that awesomeness, I would like to take a moment to talk about a freakin' weird dream I had last night.
As regular readers of this blog know, I am absolutely crazy about hockey. Thursday night my best friend (who my drunken alter-ego, Freddy, renamed to Larry (despite the fact that she is a woman)) and my new friend (otherwise known as Cute Boy, who I told you about in the Most Awkward Post Ever) decided to host a sort of drunken intervention. I was told that I watch too much hockey, that I need to tone it down a little. Of course I wouldn't have any of it, and didn't listen. Although now I think that perhaps they might be a little bit correct. Thursday night I ended up getting into a drunken argument on the train with a random stranger about goalies (my goalie is obviously far superior). And last night I had a dream about that new movie Goon.
For those of you who don't know and/or were too lazy to watch the trailer I posted above, Goon is a movie about a, well, goon, that is hired as an enforcer for a semi-pro hockey team. Starring Seann William Scott, Goon looks like it will actually be really entertaining.
Plus, hockey players are adorable and this line pretty much made my life:
"I like you name. I think it's pretty. Like your face. You have a pretty name and a pretty face."
Best ever. Right, so my dream. Last night I dreamed that Seann William Scott's character, Doug Glatt, came up to say hello. We went to a hockey rink and for some reason I was immensely confused by the jerseys worn by his team and the team he was playing against. I was all:
"Dude, I know every team in the NHL and I can't for the life of me recognize your jerseys! Are you sure you're in the NHL?"
And he was all:
"Yeah, of course! We play for Washington!"
Then I was like:
"Oh, ok, that makes perfect sense, the Washington Capitals don't exist anymore."
And that was it.
I am ashamed of my dream self for not considering minor/fictional hockey leagues. Meanwhile, all Washington Capital fans shake their heads in dismay at me and remind that their team does, in fact, still exist. Now, enough of that and onwards to:
Sexy Saturday
Today's Sexy Saturday is entirely unrelated to any of the shenanigans I posted above. This week's man is actually someone you never would have guessed would be crowned as a Sexy Saturday. He was in movies since before you were born. Since before your parents were born. Today I am proud to introduce:
Paul Henreid!
He is classy. I am classy. And if you approve, you are also classy.
Though Paul Henreid has been in a whole whack of movies from the 40's to the 70's, perhaps his most memorable role was in Casablanca, as his character Victor Laszlo.
Handsome fellow on the right
If you have not seen Casablanca, you should follow the steps provided below:
Protocol For Not Having Seen Casablanca:
Step 1: Slap self across face
Step 2: Watch Casablanca
Right. So for those of you who have not seen Casablanca (shame!) or any of the movies/TV shows he did through the 50's and 60's (don't worry, neither have I) have no fear, you're likely not missing out. As Paul Henreid was in Exorcist II: The Heretic. He played the Cardinal. I haven't seen that movie nor can I find a screen shot. All I have to say is how unfortunate, to go from Casablanca to practically an extra in the sequel to the Exorcist.
So Paul Henreid was born in Austria on January 10th, 1908. This amazing fellow died on March 29th, 1992 in California. Though he is obviously a successful actor (Check out his Filmography!) he will always be adored for his lovely character in Casablanca.
This is the most handsome and classy dude ever featured here on The Cinema Club. Here is a little video thingy for you to enjoy (starring of course Paul Henreid's handsome face).
I must inform you that over the next week you will likely not be hearing from me. Because it's reading break, which means myself and all the other Canadian University Students run free, drinking alcohol and dancing on tables. 90% of us Students will look like this throughout the week:
Thanks of course to Tequila.
Before I abandon you all, I'd like to make a quick Newsies post. We have important things to catch up on, of course.
1.) My favorite Hockey team has actually been doing quite well and whenever a game is on I look like this:
I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!
2.)Tim Roth informed us via Twitter that he has been nominated for an Academy Award. Meanwhile, all Tim Roth fans weep from happiness and start saving up for fancy champagne to drink when he wins. Way to go, Rothy! ♥
3.) So last Thursday I mentioned that horrendous answer I put on my film test. For those of you who have not read that post, I recommend you educate yourselves. Here is a Link for your Convenience.For those of you who did read the post, you are well aware of the idiotic things I wrote. Well guess what, folks? Today I got the test back. And I didn't die/ get expelled/ fail. I wrote:
"These questions make me want to rip my hair out of my own head. Or gauge my eyes out with a plastic spoon. etc."
and my TA wrote me a note back. Saying something along these lines:
"I am very sorry to hear that. I understand the first question was difficult. Anyways, I'm sure you'll do better next time."
It's because I'm cute.
Well, then. That went better than expected! Thank you, Mr. TA for saving my buns from almost certain doom. I like you.
Now, it's a bagillion hours past my bedtime and I need to catch up on sleep before Tequila Week Reading Break. I hope you all you Canadian University peeps have an enjoyable break, and I hope all the rest of you have a good week. May muffins and smoothies be in your future.
-Captain
How I expect my reading break to go:
Step 1: Tequila:
Step 2: Dancing
(exactly like this).
Step 3: More tequila.
Step 4: Thinking I'm all fly like this:
Though I'm actually like this:
Step 5: More tequila
Step 9: Do something stupid that will likely result in injury
I think I need to make up for lost time, thus 2 posts in one day. See, as a University Student, I am unable to make daily commitments. This 30 Day challenge will likely drag out to a 30 Year challenge if I don't double post every now and again. So the 2nd topic of the day is "A Film you watch to feel down." Err... ok? I know the answer to that. But really? Do I really want to talk about downer things? Sigh. I guess I'll have to. But first, I want to talk about my longing for a pet Koala.
I WANT A KOALA SO FREAKING BAD.
*ALSO*
Last night I had a dream about Wallabies.
Oh my freaking goodness for the love of God can I please cuddle a Wallaby???
Readers, I think it's become clear: my longing for a Koala, dreaming about Wallabies...
I need to go to Australia.
~When I'm in Australia I shall adopt a Koala and a Wallaby.~
I already have the whole thing planned. I've even picked out names for my Australian pets. I think I want to name my Koala Robert. Or Phillip. If I name him Robert I'll make him wear a tie. I still don't know what I'm going to name my Wallaby, but when I find out I'll let you know!
Ok. Back to Movies. The movie I watch to feel down is My Sister's Keeper.
For those of you who don't know, My Sister's Keeper is a movie about a young teenager that has leukemia. The entire movie is an up and down roller coaster of emotion, and I cry almost every time I watch it. But don't get me wrong, I really like this movie. I think it's so well done, and the acting was really good. But I only seem to watch this movie when I'm in a bit of a bad mood, I suppose that why I've chosen it as the movie I "watch to feel down."
The way I feel after this movie isn't down... I feel like my entire soul has been cleansed with my own tears. It makes me cry like that Make a Wish Foundation commercial with the boy that loves hockey.
That commercial chokes me up each time.
Man... I can't imagine being told that my life would be ending soon. I think that's too much. And it's really sad that this is a problem kids have to deal with. :(
You know, when I finally get around to adopting my Australian pets, I'll bring them to children's hospitals to visit sick kids. They'll love cuddling with Robert/Phillip, the potentially tie wearing Koala, and they'll also adore [Insert Wallaby's name here] as he hops around the hospital room in a Super Man cape. He'll be even cuter than this photo of Patrick Kane at the All Stars competition in Ottawa:
Readers, I am almost embarrassed to tell you what movie I watch to feel good. But then I remembered something that someone I used to be really close to said. He said that he doesn't have any guilty pleasures. If he likes something, he likes it, and he's not ashamed of that. I suppose that's a really good way to think. Well here it is, folks. My Guilty Pleasure The movie I watch to feel good:
Peewee's Big Adventure.
Excuse me, wtf?
Yeah, that's right. I think Peewee Herman is awesome. No, this is not a joke. The wise words I mentioned above aside, this is a really embarrassing confession.
You know you liiiike it.
Now that this is up on the internet forever and ever, I may aswell be loud and proud about this. I think Peewee Herman is hilarious. My darling Father even sucks it up and watches it with me sometimes.
What a patient father you have.
Now, in all fairness, I have only seen this movie twice. The 1st time was when I had my heart broken for the first time 2 years ago. I ate orange popsicles and my dad and I watched Peewee Herman. I laughed. It was good times.
The second time I watched it I was feeling pretty blue and it must have been around the time of my surgery.
As I type this, my cat is running around and meowing like she's possessed. (I also have hardwood floors so I laugh as she slides around and crashes and burns)
Pretty Much what I have to deal with on a daily basis.
Right, back to Peewee's Big Adventure. It's a really silly movie, there's nothing particularly special about it. I just really like the part where Peewee does a Mr. T impression at the breakfast table.
I pity the fool who don't eat mah cereal!
Here at the Cinema Club, we love Mr. T!
Sharlto Copley also loves Mr. T. Double Win!
For the longest time I had a Peewee Herman ringtone on my phone. Every time I got a text message my phone would light up and scream: "LALALALALALA LAAA!" In a Peewee voice.
...ummm... best ringtone EVER.
Naturally.
I just had a really frightening realization. In the above photo, Peewee looks a helluvalot like NHLer Brad Marchand....
This Kid's got moxie.
...and I happen to think that Brad Marchand is hot like fire. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???
GEEZUS. I'd better stop here. Take that information as you may. My excuse for today's entry is this:
I fainted at the University and fell down the stairs. This was me, minus the mattress:
Perhaps I bonked my head. Normal people don't post entries on the internet about how much they like Peewee Herman.
Worst week of my life, readers. And I'm not being dramatic. It was pretty damn awful. I swear those Evil Gnomes were at it again. Here's what they cooked up this time:
Evil Gnome #1: You know, we were way too nice when we decided to send Tim Roth, Jamie Bell and Gary Oldman to Milan together to model Prada.
Evil Gnome #2: That was completely against our original intentions to bring this young lady nothing but misery and despair.
Evil Gnome #3: We should come up with something extra terrible to even things out.
Evil Gnome #2: Excellent idea.
Evil Gnome #1: We should make her watch a movie in Film Class about love and adultery. Rubbing the fact that she's heart broken in her face is possibly the most horrendous thing we could do.
Evil Gnome #3: Brilliant! Also, we should make every seat that she sits in at the University extra squeaky.
Evil Gnome #2: How delightfully diabolical!
Evil Gnome #1: How about a pop quiz in German class about the subject she's least sure about?
Evil Gnome #3: Perfect!
Evil Gnome #1: And another test in Film class!
Evil Gnome #3: Even better!
Evil Gnome #2: Let's make her vomit in the car on Monday.
Evil Gnome #3: This is our best idea yet.
And then they did lots of this:
But I shouldn't complain that much, as I happened to have had the most amazing Tuesday EVAR. My Dad took me to a hockey game, and that brought immense amounts of joy to my heart. My family was watching the game at home, and since I was the only one actually cheering at the game, they heard me screaming on TV. This makes me feel somewhat famous and important. OK, back to business now.
Since I'm festering in this negative mood, I might aswell make a list about my least favorite movies and share it with the world. You're welcome.
My Top 10 Least Favorite Movies
10. True Grit
So, I really dislike Western Movies. And that's really strange, because I love the country and I'm a genuine Cowboy-approved Horse Girl. But man oh man, there's something about Western Flicks that I just can't stand. Don't get me wrong, there are a few exceptions (My Name is Nobody, Young Guns)but on the most part its fair to say that if it's a Western, I don't want to watch it. Though I had high hopes for True Grit. Obviously it will be filled with pretty ponies, and Matt Damon is in it. So... you know, it was worth the risk.
Surprise! It's Matt Damon. Yeuch.
But my hopes were quickly extinguished, as Matt Damon had a mustache, and Jeff Bridges stars in most of the film. I hate Jeff Bridges. I think he's a stinker. I suppose there's really nothing for me to be complaining about. The film was well acted, the story was pretty good, and if I remember correctly it had a decent score. So why so much hate? I really couldn't tell ya. I just didn't like it. Though one thing I did approve of was the gorgeous scenery. But I live in Canada so I see gorgeous scenery all the time. It would be more worthwhile to go on a hike than watch True Grit.
9. In the Mood for Love
I was in Film class on Thursday sitting in my squeaky hard Plastic seat wearing Sweatpants and wondering what kind of movie we'd be watching. Then the prof said "If anybody has some kind of inner loathing for beautiful things, this is your cue to leave." And I thought: Jeeze I'd better get the hell outta dodge!How could I possible sit through a movie called In the Mood for Love when my heart is broken? I'll never be in the mood for love ever again! As a matter of fact, I've decided I'm done with men forever and while I've been looking at Nunneries to join I've been working on my collection of cats. It's just not fair! But since my grade depended on my watching this film, I hunkered down in my seat and miserably ate a Tim Horton's Banana Nut Muffin, prepared for the shit-fest that would soon begin. So, In the Mood for Love is a film by Kar Wai Wong. My Prof and that kid I sit next to were under the impression that this film is immensely beautiful. I just didn't see it. As a matter of fact, I thought it was really f*cking dumb. Not only were none of the characters in the film ever actually "in the mood for love", but the movie was about cheating spouses and a romance that never really happened.
This is what I looked like through the entire film.
And frankly, I don't see any beauty in unrequited love, a dilapidated apartment in Hong Kong, and a way-too-skinny leading lady that eats nothing but white rice and noodles. I suppose it's all a matter of opinion, and it's really quite possible that I'm the only cynical bastard that found this movie the be a pain in the ass. But let's be serious. This movie was junk and nobody actually likes Subtitled films.
8. Planet of the Apes (2001)
So I recently expressed my utter disgust for this film in what was possibly my most profane entry to date [Link]. But I'm willing to talk about it again, in a more civil manner. I disliked this movie so much because I found it deeply unsettling. I hate the idea of apes ruling the planet, and I hate (with every fiber of my being) the fact that my darling Tim Roth pretty much starred in this film as an ill-tempered monkey. Not gonna lie, he lost some sex appeal that night. Speaking of Sex Appeal, that was another aspect of this film that made me react like this:
BLEEEUUWEEEUHHHHH!
They tried to make their apes sexy. And I mean, come on. What the hell. Helen Bonham Carter played the leading she-ape, and they tried to create some kind of demented lust story between her and Mark Wahlberg. To which I shriek: "NO! YOU'RE A F*CKING MONKEY FOR CHRIST SAKE!" I pretty much went batshit insane after the kiss scene and decided that this movie was too much weird for me to handle.
7. Sin City
OK, So I don't hate Frank Miller's Sin City, but I sure as hell don't like it. Again, it was just way too weird for me. I've seen it twice, and though I find it tolerable, I don't go out of my way to watch it. When I was in Cuba with my friend, she found a Spanish version on our Hotel Room TV. I watched for like, half an hour. Then I turned over and fell asleep. I had a big issue with that whole hooker thing, and I dunno... it was just way too strange. The women were way over-sexualized, and that sort of shit is no fun for us chicks to watch. Unless of course you're a lesbian. Then you might enjoy it. And believe me, I am no lesbian, and I really didn't find any joy in watching Jessica Alba act like a whore.
So I suppose this film was quite creative, and I'll admit it was intriguing and "different". If it weren't for the rampantly disgusting whorish females in the film, I may have found it more enjoyable to watch.
6. Journey to the Center of the Earth
Just so fucking bad.
5. The Skeleton Key
You know those movies that draw you in and completely absorb you and have you on the edge of your seat then go and have a completely terrible ending that makes you feel like screaming/demanding the last 2 hours of your life back? Yeah. The Skeleton Key was one of those movies. It was good. Taking place in the deep south and sporting beautiful cinematography. Although, it was very creepy. The Skeleton Key is a thriller, and boy did it live up to its genre. But the ending... I just can't get over how AWFUL the ending was. And those kinds of movies are never fun. Because as humans, we always hope for a happy ending.
4. 30 Days of Night
Ok, so before I begin I have to give the filmmakers some credit. Its a vampire movie and the vampires don't sparkle. They're actually bloodthirsty creeps that come out only at night. Ok, Kudos. Now we tear it apart. I had high hopes for this film, it had a spooky premise playing on the fact that parts of the arctic can get completely dark for up to a month (thus 30 days of night). Is there not a better setting for a vampire movie? An isolated town thats stuck in night for a month? HELLO! That's awesome! But unfortunately this movie fell victim to poor acting and a weak story line. It got 6.6 stars on IMDB but I wouldn't even give it that. If you're watching a movie and you can't even wait for it to end, there's a problem. Honestly I think you might have more fun watching Twilight. And no, that was not a joke. At least with Twilight you can laugh at Edward's glitter and the fact that Kristen Stewart is the human equivalent of a blank piece of paper. This movie was just weak sauce.
Hey Bella, wanna kiss?
3. Dream Catcher
I had really high hopes for this movie. And I actually really enjoyed the first third of the film. It was actually really creepy. Plus, I really liked this one guy's catch phrase "Fuck me Freddy." I love saying "Fuck me Freddy." Because when I think of Freddy I think of Tim Roth's character in Reservoir Dogs and he's really freakin' hot so now every time I swear I get a little bit turned on.
Gorgeous, son
Right. So back to Dreamcatcher. Of course the first guy to kick the bucket is really cute. That set the tone, right there. But I guess what gets this film onto the list of movie hate is the fact that it had so much freakin' potential. It's Stephen King, for starters. And the setting was a forest in the wintertime. It had all the potential to be a freak-fest but it was such a let down! The story got so weird and then there was something about Aliens, and by the time Samuel L Jackson showed up I was shaking my head trying to figure out what the hell was going on with the guy with multiple personality disorder and why the other guy had an obsession with chewing on toothpicks. Furthermore, the aliens at the end were just really pathetic and sort of resembled dinosaurs. If that doesn't convince you, I'm sure this picture will:
Beware ginger with dog on his shoulders.
2. Unfaithful
This movie brought sadness to my heart. I have a big issue with cheating, and this movie is about a cheating wife that destroys her family. It was a very well done film, but it was so incredibly sad. To watch her husband's heart break over the course of the film was heart wrenching. I think that cheating is incredibly low and disgusting and only the very worst people do it. This entire film was about some chick cheating and believe me, it was unsettling to watch. Lots of people like the movie because the sex scenes were pretty hot, but to be honest I found myself cringing the entire time. "BUT HE'S NOT YOUR HUSBAND!" I found myself screaming at the screen. Well that didn't stop her.
Look how broken he is. You're such a whore.
This movie was really well done in a sense that I became absorbed in it and I felt like I wanted to interact with the characters. But it lands itself in the list of movie hate because of the apparent theme and because of the yucky feeling it left me with. Nobody likes heartbreak, and it sucks to watch it happen almost as much as it sucks to be in it. This movie shouldn't be called "Unfaithful", it should be called "Shit that happens when you act like a whore".
1.Reign of Fire
OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE IS AWFUL. It takes place in a post-apocalyptic world where dragons are scaring the living shit out of everyone and forcing them to live in volcanoes or something stupid like that.Reign of Fire is a movie about what happens when men grow up with an obsession with fairy tales. It is about dragons and people that are pretending to be all cool and bad ass but looking like fucking idiots in the process. I give up. I'll share the summary provided on IMDB: "A brood offire-breathing dragons emerges from the earth and begins setting fire to everything, establishing dominance over the planet." Are you fucking serious? Who pitched that shit and who smoked enough crack to think its a good idea? "Begins setting fire to everything." Oh god, what is the world coming to? That's crap. So much crap. And that's honestly what the movie is about. A bunch of fucking dragons flying around starting shit on fire and Christian Bale trying to be all cool and doing I don't even know what to stop them. Uhg. And this isn't even one of those movies like Trolls 2 where its so bad it's hilarious. Whoever made this was dead fucking serious and everyone acting in it was trying to be all hard-core. Reign of Fire failed harder than this kid trying to sled down the stairs on a mattress:
(I'm going to hell for the intensity with which I laughed at this clip)
Instead of wasting more time talking about Reign of Fire, I'm going to show you terrible movie clips that are better than this horrendous movie. Enjoy. :)
I hope those clips brought you all sorts of joy.
In conclusion, I hope you can agree with me on this list of movie-hate. If you didn't, well, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I hope at least that amusing Jonathan Toews gif brought some laughter.
