Monday, November 7, 2011

Bad Hair Days

Readers, today I am experiencing the worst hair day of my LIFE. Worse than the day it had blue streaks. Worse than the time I got the ends stuck in the hairdryer. Worse than that day I dyed it blonde and cut my own bangs and that really cute guy laughed when he saw me. Yes, it's pretty damn bad. Usually, my hair looks like this: 

Cool hair, Brah

But today.... today my hair looks like Ke$ha was raped by a rooster and decided to keep the baby. Its bad. But it got me thinking... what were some of the worst hair styles we've seen in movie history? Let us investigate... 

Leeloo in The Fifth Element

Sure, Milla Jovovich is gorgeous and Orange is the best color known to man, but her hair... no. Just no. Her orange dreadlocks were atrocious. So Leeloo, you're amazing, adorable, and you can kick some ass. But the orange hair just didn't fly.

Rachel in Blade Runner 

Sure, Rachel has a pretty face. But the hair... its like some kind of messed up sculpture. And that's when it was styled. Later in the film she does us all a favor and takes it out of that strange bun-thing and goes natural. She became the epitome of Floofy 80's hair! 
Apparently Harrison Ford likes she-fros.

Jacob in Twilight

So I probably have a hoard of Fangirls screeching their hatred for me now. BUT SERIOUSLY. Flowing man-locks that resemble Fabio are a MAJOR No-no! Jacob looks much better once he gets himself a trim. Ladies, please stop crying and yelling at me through your computer screen. You're only embarrassing yourselves. And while we're on the topic of Fabio... 
L- O- f*cking- L! 

Queen Amidala in Star Wars

WTF IS ON HER HEAD??? Oh wait, that's just her hair. Seriously, WTF? Don't you think she'd end up with some kind of spinal problems with head pieces like that? Say, Spinal Compression? What if she fell over and couldn't get back up? Who would run the galaxy then? Can you imagine being next to her if she turned her head really fast? Imagine getting hair slapped by one of them galactic pig-tails! 
You'd end up with one of these.

 Anton Chigurh in No Country For Old Men

Fantastic movie, terrible hair. I think that perhaps this villain could be even more terrifying (it's possible???) if he had a more bad-ass haircut. Because really, I think I knew a kid in Kindergarten who had hair like this. He was in your Kindergarten class too. The one that was a frequent user of the "emergency pants" and used his own body parts in show-and-tell. I believe he was also commonly spotted sitting alone in the corner talking to himself.

John McClane in Live Free or Die Hard
I can check my reflection by looking at his head!
Oh wait. Bruce Willis doesn't have any hair.

David Wooderson in Dazed and Confused
FYI this is Matthew Mcconaughey.

It doesn't get any greasier than this, folks. He must have been dazed and confused when he decided to grown that pencil mustache and style his hair like that. Would you trust a guy with a face and hair like that enough to get in his car? Didn't think so. 

Mugatu in Zoolander

This is so ridiculous it really does just take the cake. No words, man. No Words. 
I actually saw someone at a club this Halloween dressed as Mugatu. It was hilarious! Then he hit on my friend's boyfriend and that really just made my evening.

And thus concludes the Cinema Club's investigation on BAD MOVIE HAIR. 

Mama used dem clippers again D:

Now if you'll excuse me, I have an atrocious mess on my head that needs fixing... 

El Capitain OUT!

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