Monday, October 31, 2011

The Scariest Sh*t I've ever seen


 In honor of the spookiest night of the year, I have decided to compile a list of the Top 10 Scariest Things I have ever seen, to contribute to the ghoulish spirit of October 31st! So without further ado, here is El Capitain's Scary List! 


10.  That commercial with Ovechkin's head in some kid's locker 

Admit it. That's pretty damn Creepy. 

[Insert woman-shriek here]
In my opinion, Ovechkin is scary enough without being a creepy talking disembodied head. Sure, he's a fantastic Hockey player, this is certain. In my opinion, that one awesome goal against the Habs solidifies this fact for the rest of time. But I prefer Ovechkin on the ice, with a helmet and mouthgard on. Not with his head in my locker. 

NO! D:

9. The scene from The Descent 2 where Sarah pops up out of nowhere
 (for some reason I couldn't embed the video, Sorry!)

Not too long ago, I accidentally took a few too many T3's... I wandered downstairs, to find my father watching a movie. Before I could even open my mouth to ask what was on, This disgruntled blonde chick pops up and presses herself against the car window. In my sleepy, dazed state, I screamed and jumped about 2 feet in the air. Like this: 
And thus this scene finds itself of the list of Stuff that scared the living daylights out of El Capitain.

8. The Morlocks from the Bark To The Future Episode of Wishbone

This was scarier when I was alone in my basement in the 90's.

OK, so you're laughing at me. Those of you that grew up in the 90's probably watched Wishbone. And are very well aware that it's a children's show. But a bunch of ape-like troglodytes called Morlocks that come out in the dark and try to FEAST ON YOUR FLESH or even worse... DRAG YOU INTO THEIR CREEPY WELL are worth being scared of. In my humble opinion. 

Lucky for us, though, the Morlocks are afraid of light. So as long as you're armed with a Flashlight, everything should be ok. 
God forbid our Batteries run out.
 H.G Wells sure did a good job creating a creepy monster that goes BOO! in the dark, and Wishbone did a great job of scaring the children of the 90's

Yes, random Youtube user. Yes indeed.
Here's a Link to the 3rd part of the episode. (May I also mention that this Episode of Wishbone taught me how to do fractions? Ahh, God Bless wholesome family programming).
7. The Chest Buster Scene from Alien 

I would like to mention that the movie Alien scared me thoroughly from start to finish. And this scene in the kitchen was too much for my mind to handle. 
 The WORST possible thing that could happen, happened. Here is the scene in 6 photos, accompanied by my train of thought: 

Hey, he's kinda cute.
omg somethings wrong with him.
omg somethings really wrong with him.
Well that was an unfortunate waste.
  Why does the cute one always die?
I shall leave you with that deep question and move on to #6.

 6. Quint's Death scene in Jaws

Um. A guy screaming his lung out while being chewed to death by a shark. It's pretty disturbing. And when the actor snaps the blood pack in his mouth and screams in agony, well, you can't help but feel for the guy. 

The worst way to go.
This movie ruined the ocean for me. Thanks, Jaws. Thanks a lot.

5. The Baby monitor scene from Insidious

 This movie is damn scary. We see a lady, playing the piano. And suddenly the baby monitor crackles. A man's voice rages "I WANT IT NOW!" She runs up the stairs and sees the figure of a demon standing in the window. HOW SCARY IS THAT!? It would be enough to do me in. No baby monitors will ever be allowed in my house. Ever.

4. The First Wolf we see in Frozen
I screamed so loud the neighbor came over with a shotgun and the police on speed-dial.
 Ok, folks. So I've mentioned Frozen like a gagillion times in my blog... (proof) but so what? It's scary! And I believe the scariest part of the film is when we first see the wolves. My loud scream scared the audience more than the movie did. What followed ranks as Super-Disturbing in my opinion. What happens? Oh, well this poor guy is only eaten alive by wolves and all. 

I'm almost too embarrassed to admit to the internet how hard I cried.
Again. Why do the cute ones always die? (I shall investigate this conundrum another day).

3. The Scene from Blade Runner when Roy crushes a man's skull with his bare hands 

The glasses UP the pity factor D: Poor old man!

 So I'm not a squeamish person at all. And I love Sexy Saturday Alumnus Rutger Hauer. But this scene? Yeuch. It made my stomach roll. I was thoroughly uncomfortable by the end. 

I honestly can't even bear to watch this. I've seen this scene twice and it makes me sick. And the look on Hauer's face while he's doing it? AHHH D: And the sound the old man is making as he's dying?  Double-AHHH D: Definitely a fitting choice for Halloween. 
I may need counseling thanks to this.

 2. That scene in Saw when the bad guy jumps out of the closet 

Major WTF.
OK. So apparently nobody has thought to put this scene up on the Internet. Anywhere. Seriously. I Put in the Youtube search bar "Saw Camera Flash Scene" and the top video results were "Jizz in my pants", "Taylor Swift- Mine" and "Raccoon attacks". WTF. But those of you who have seen Saw will remember the jumpy scene where a poor, unsuspecting character has the power go out in his apartment. Instead of fleeing from the building with a machine gun in hand (like you should do in a horror movie...) he walked around his apartment, using the flash on his camera to see in the dark. Of course he opens the closet, takes a flash picture and BAM! A scary-as-hell pig-masked individual springs from the closet. And I screamed. LOUD. 

1. The Creature of Darkness from The Neverending Story 

Ok, people. Here it is. #1. And of course it's non other than G'mork the werewolf from The Neverending Story. Guys, this terrible thing has been haunting me and causing my nightmares since I was about 6 or 7 years old. What's worse than a creature so evil that it has materialized out of pure darkness? It lurks in the forest with glowing green eyes, and, oh right, it talks. 

It is because of this terrifying 80's puppet that all wolf-like creature flicks are so scary to me. And I have yet to find another movie werewolf that is as scary as this one. Voiced by Alan Oppenheimer, to me this thing is the epitome of nightmare
Gmork redefines the Big Bad Wolf. And it is because of that he has earned his spot as the #1 Scariest thing I have ever seen. 

Happy Halloween!

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