Wednesday, January 11, 2012

A movie made just for me.

Regular readers of this blog have become acquainted with my likes and dislikes, favorite actors, and the things that scare me. It has become clear that I am terrified of wolves. Now the other day, I was at home watching a hockey game  (my team won, btw) when suddenly a movie preview came on. The trailer is for a movie called The Grey. That's a pretty haunting movie title, if you ask me. What is the movie about, you may ask? Oh, just a plane crash and how the survivors are getting picked off one by one by wolves. 

The terror!

Here's the trailer, for your viewing pleasure:

The only good thing about this movie is the fact that Liam Neeson is in it. Every female in this planet loves Liam Neeson. This is a fact. 

So I came to the realization that there is a board of evil gnomes that spent a year studying me and learned all about me... and this is what they decided to do: 

Evil Gnome #1: Well she's a rather timid creature, and has an apparent fear of wolves and dangerous canines that growl and stalk you in the dark. 
Evil Gnome #2: Indeed. She also dislikes the cold and often complains about the snow. 
Evil Gnome #3: Yes. I caught her buying an ugly Chesapeake sweater from a second hand store last week. 
Evil Gnome #2: How pitiful. 
Evil Gnome #1: She also made a facebook status about Liam Neeson being "A+".
Evil Gnome #3: Furthermore, she's completely obsessed with hockey. Occasions where she's required to separate herself from the TV while her team is playing seem to cause her high levels of stress and discomfort.
Evil Gnome #2: So it only makes sense to make a movie about a group of men whose plane crash lands in Alaska, during the dead of winter!
Evil Gnome #1: Perfect! They crash land in complete and total isolation, where there is no hockey to be found. 
Evil Gnome #2: But freezing to death just isn't good enough. There has to be something more...
Evil Gnome #3: The obvious answer is to have a pack of hungry wolves stalking and eating the survivors of the crash.
Evil Gnome #2: Genius!
Evil Gnome #1: Liam Neeson should star in this film.
Evil Gnome #3: This is our best idea yet.  

That's totally what happened.

Why can't they be 3 nice gnomes that make a Bromance movie about a hockey team that goes on a cross-county road trip that turns into a heist with helicopters, race cars and wild horses starring Tim Roth, Thomas Kretschmann, Ron Eldard, Ryan Gosling, and Jamie Bell? Sigh. I'll keep dreaming.

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