Monday, October 17, 2011

Red Riding Hood

You know, since it's October I think I'm going to make an effort to review nothing but spooky movies. This may prove to be a bit difficult, because I happen to be a bit of a horror movie chicken...

AHG! Please hold me!
So we're going to warm up with a movie that's not really all that scary. The movie we're talking about today is Red Riding Hood (2011). Directed by none other than Catherine Hardwicke, who, as you may know, hopped aboard the Fail-Train and brought us Twilight (2008). 
Ok, ok. I'll try to be less of a cynical bitch. 
I'm not sure.
 Red Riding Hood stars the gorgeous Starlet Amanda Seyfried (Mama Mia, Letters to Juliet, Dear John, etc); Gary Oldman (Harry Potter, The Book of Eli, etc); and Shiloh Fernandez (who hasn't been in any notable productions...). 

Might I add, I became thrilled to learn that Gary Oldman would be apart of this movie! Here at the Cinema Club, we love Gary Oldman! 
YAY! Gary Oldman!
And he's a fantastic actor! ;)
 The movie follows Amanda Seyfried's character, Valerie, and the inhabitants of the haunted village Daggerhorn. 

It would appear to be a village inhabited by teenage babes. Hmm. Fancy that.

 What is this village haunted by, you may ask? Well, non other than the big bad werewolf, of course! 

Naturally, the werewolf aspect of this film appealed to me greatly. I am terrified of such creates! Reason being provided here. Evidence of this fear is noted in several past entries, especially here. So all in all, I have a sort of horrified fascination with shaggy canine thingies with teeth. So when I heard about Red Riding Hood, I got pretty darn excited and spent the first portion of the movie like this: 

Shhhhh.... The werewolf is coming.....

My Excitement was quickly distinguished because, well, ..... we'll talk about that later.What's important now is that we get the characters of this film figured out, as the entire movie turns out to be a guessing game, trying to figure out who the big bad wolf is... So, here is an introduction to the characters we see the most in the film: 


All the boys like me the best.

Potential Sexy Saturday...?

He looks like more of a Scott than a Henry to me...

He's the werewolf hunter.
So what we're supposed to gather from this green-screened adventure is that Valerie is in love with Peter (She has been since they were children), and Peter is in love with Valerie. But since Valerie is played by Amanda Seyfried and she's freakin' gorgeous, Henry is also in love with Valerie. But of course Valerie doesn't love him back. Is think looking familiar to some of you people...? 

Red Riding Hood Cast...
...Twilight Cast

 It's the same damn thing, people
To which the preteen population of America replies:

So anyways, Werewolf-hunting Gary Oldman (AKA Solomon) comes into the picture on a prancy, floofy white horse. He intends on solving Daggerhorn's Werewolf problem.

Does this look like proper werewolf hunting gear to you? I think not!
The problem is, the werewolf is amongst the villagers, so Gary here kinda has to keep them on lock down.

Guys, this movie was crap. 

Medieval girl on girl?
 Even their werewolf was disappointing. I personally found Peewee's Big Adventure to be more terrifying than this film.  

Oh dear god, make it stop!
But I suppose if you're into that whole teenage-forbidden-love-omg-I-think-I'm-a-werewolf sort of drama, you'll probably enjoy this movie. The acting blew, the writing blew, and the fake snow was an embarrassment. 

I can really only think of one thing I liked about this film, and it was the cinematography. Most of the film took place outdoors in the forest and we got an eerie, haunting vibe throughout the film. So kudos, those in charge of the visuals. You guys did a good job. 

El Capitain OUT!


  1. He does look like a scott

  2. Great review! I'm glad you went through the pain of watching it so I didn't have to :P

  3. You forgot the part where they ALMOST knocked boots in the hay. Big rule breakers

    And yes, make him Sexy Saturday please!! :) He was the only thing that got me to the end of the movie :P

    Spot on review though!