1/2 step away from losing my mind/ Top 10 Movie Meltdowns

FRUSTRATION.

I am currently experiencing extreme

FRUSTRATION.

Someone is really hurting my feelings right now and I just don't know how to handle it.

Readers, I haven't felt this bent out of Shape since I first saw Mr. White kill Mr. Orange a few years ago. 

This broke my heart. </3. My soul bled. Profusely. For days.

I really truly wish I could turn myself into an emotionless husk of a human being. That way, I would be safe from any sort of heart ache and/or disappointment. Anyone wanna join me? 

YES!

    OK. Awesome.

I'm not entirely sure what we're going to do now, because emotion is the core of the human experience. Great. Now we're screwed. I suppose there really is only one thing left to do....  

BLOG ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS ON TEH INTERNET!!!1!!1! 

Trolling = success

Nah, I kid. 

The Internet is no place for people's problems. 

The Internet is a place for this cat.

Instead, I'm throwing together yet another Top 10 List.

Today's countdown?

Top 10 Movie Meltdowns.

You see, I hope that by blogging about other people's meltdowns, I can avoid taking part in one myself. 

Because feeling like this sucks.

  

Top 10 Movie Meltdowns

10. Arnold Schwarzenegger's Spazz Attack in Kindergarten Cop

SHUT UP!!!

Even his scream has an accent. Now that's impressive. This is a particularly fantastical freak-out, and I believe nobody pulls off a tantrum better than Schwarzenegger. After being stuck in a classroom full of rotten, screeching misbehaving children, Schwarzenegger's character finally reaches his breaking point. And the outcome is pretty awesome. View the wrath of Schwarzenegger HERE.

9. Dwayne's Meltdown in Little Miss Sunshine

You can't help but feel bad for the guy. His dreams of joining the Air force have just been crushed. This is a situation I can completely relate to. Although, mind you, I didn't run down a hill screaming at the top of my lungs. I suffered in silence then went to University.  

8. The Matchmaker's rage in Mulan 

Was that really necessary? Kay just wondering. 

7. Happy's Freakout in Happy Gilmore

So pretty much all of Happy Gilmore's freak-outs are AMAZING, but this one is my favorite. This also doubles as one of the funniest clips I've ever seen. Though I suppose out of context it just looks like an epic tantrum.  

6. Parker's Meltdown in Frozen

Ok, so this meltdown is completely, 100% justified. I can almost guarantee that I would react the exact same way, if my boyfriend was being eaten alive by wolves. Only I think that perhaps I would have jumped from that chairlift in a stupid as hell attempt to save his life. And end up as wolf-chow in the process. But really, this movie meltdown is really... intense.

5. Ted the Bellhop's Rant on the phone in Four Rooms

So I love Tim Roth. Like, a lot. He's my favorite. Well... yeah, ok. He and Thomas Kretschmann are both my favorite. Upon mentioning this to a dear friend of mine, he said to me "Ewwww now I'm picturing you in bed with a couple of old men" to which I laughed hysterically. Anyways! Tim Roth is a brilliant actor. We all know this. And this scene in the hilarious movie Four Rooms is one of his best performances. Here he is, after the most eventful shift of his life, ranting on the phone to Margaret. I love this scene so much. The squeaking and cracking of his voice and his hysterical facial expressions... priceless.

4. Cameron Destroying his Dad's car in Ferris Bueller's Day off

Yes, parents can be extremely frustrating. Though trashing your Dad's Ferrari is a step on the... wild side...

3.Mae Whitman's tantrum in Hope Floats

I cannot this clip online, nor can I find a picture from this scene. But believe me, it was very heart breaking. Mae Whitman's character is named Bernice Pruitt. Bernice's parents have recently split up, and she's been living with her mom. After her grandmother's funeral, her father comes by to ask for a divorce. Confused with the situation, Bernice runs after her dad, begging him to take her with him. Her father refuses. This little innocent girl holding a bunny rabbit doll with big wonky glasses begging her father to take her with him. He throws her luggage out of the car and slams the car door in her face. At this point, this little girl is bawling and crying, begging her father to take her. He drives away, leaving her sobbing in the street. Really, if this doesn't make you feel bad I don't know what will. Needless to say, Whitman's acting was superb. 

2. Ewan McGregor's Sobfest in Moulin Rouge

When men cry, I can't help but cry too. There's something about when a guy that normally has it together really loses it an erupts in sobs that just gets me right in the heart. When I first saw Moulin Rouge, I absolutely bawled my eyes out alongside Ewan McGregor at the end. And that's impressive, because I didn't like Nicole Kidman's Character. AT ALL. No, it was the absolute agony that Ewan McGregor threw at us. The whirlwind of sobbing pain. McGregor has the best man cry I've ever heard. Witness the trauma HERE.

1. Bruno Ganz's epic Freakout in Der Untergang (Downfall)

I absolutely love this movie. And frankly, Bruno Ganz does the best portrayal of Hitler I have ever seen. Ever. He is amazing. And this scene proves this. This is, easily, the most epic meltdown in movie history. 

____________

And now 4 minutes and 13 seconds of Nicolas Cage being, well, Nicolas Cage.

Just Another Day At The Beach!

I'm late. 

Again.

What Am I late for, you may ask? Well, dear readers, I managed to completely miss D-day. Er, should I say, the D-day anniversary. If you don't know what D-day is, you are about to learn. 

From Spielberg's Saving Private Ryan

On June 6th 1944, The allies made a daring attempt to invade the beaches of Normandy, France. This operation was called 'Operation Overlord' but is more commonly known as 'D-day'. Over a thousand Allie troops died in a bloody battle against the Germans. D-day is, in my opinion, the most brutal and fascinating event in the history of the Second World War. It was beyond terrible what those young men endured on that stormy morning. 

Lots of people think that there was only one beach that was assaulted on D-day. These people are wrong.The D-day tour included Utah, Omaha, Gold, Juno, and Sword beaches.

Each Beach had individual sections

The Ultimate goal in the D-day assaults was to capture the beachhead and establish a Western front. Once this section of Western France was captured, the allies would have another route into France, thus enabling them to push their forces further into the country, liberating the towns as they went. The area was heavily occupied by the Germans. 

Juno Beach on D-Day, thanks to www.dday-overlord.com

This especially bloody battle has become a favorite amongst film makers. Steven Spielberg's phenomenal adaption of the D-day assault breaks my heart every time I watch it. 

 WARNING: This scene is realistic and gruesome. It is very violent, and I don't recommend watching it if you are easily unsettled.

My heart is with the brave young men that fought and fell on June 6th, 1944.

I love you guys.

 

El Capitain OUT!

The King's Speech

Some movies are exhilarating, fast paced, and sexy:

Blood, sex, drugs, money and Samuel Jackson.

Others are not.

The King's Speech (2010) is one of those not-so-exciting movies.

But that's OK. 

Whatcha gunna do? Not all movies can be nail biters.

In all seriousness though, The King's Speech (directed by Tom Hooper) was a touching and heartfelt film. Starring Colin Firth as King George VI, the king of Britain with a speech impediment. The film also starred Geoffry Rush, Helena Bonham Carter and Guy Pierce. 

Royalty!

Tom Hooper actually won best director for his film at the Oscars, and Colin Firth won the Best Actor award. Yaaaay! :)

"I have a feeling my career just peaked"

So the King's Speech is about King George VI, who has a speech impediment. He basically has issues spitting out his words, and stammers like Crazy. It was rather frustrating at times. Needless to say, Colin Firth's performance was very good. He did an impressive job immersing in his role.

Now, if you're sitting here contemplating watching this film because you heard that Colin Firth was nominated for the sexiest man alive at one point, I advise you to stop right in your tracks. 

Dear Mr. Firth really isn't much of a sex-bucket (I just invented my own term. Sex Bucket. Hmmm). 

There isn't any of this. So stop while you're ahead.

But if you are in fact a mature individual who enjoys quality cinematography, a good soundtrack, wonderful set design, great acting, and an inspiring story, by all means proceed to blockbuster to rent this one.

The story follows King George (AKA Bertie) and his Speech Therapist, Lionel. We learn early on that Bertie has quite the temper, though he proves to be a loving father and an honest husband. He's a likable, responsible character. We learn, as the friendship between Bertie and Lionel evolves, that Bertie has had a rather unfortunate past. Although Firth doesn't have the tortured soul technique down like our favorite Cool Uncle Rusty, he does a pretty good job of making our hearts go out to him. Cute!

I like you.

I will admit, the film was a bit slow moving, but I found it to be entertaining the whole way through. Though there was nothing really exciting about this movie, it was touching and sweet. Watching Colin Firth's character go against the thing that's holding him back, watching him struggle with every fiber of his being, was extremely moving. Though I didn't cry in this film like my Auntie said she did, I was guilty of doing that girly Aww that's so cute face. yah, you know the one: 

Something like this only less Asian and more emotional.

The movie was very powerful, because this individual that struggles ever so much with public speaking had to deliver a number of speeches. After succeeding the throne, poor Bertie has a complete breakdown, literally crying. He was incredibly worried that he wouldn't be a good king. And that, my friends, is what made him such an excellent leader. I love Bertie as a character, he seemed like an amazing man. With WWII looming over his shoulders, this timid and unsure man had to really step up and show the world what he's made of. He proved to everyone that he does in fact have a voice. So touching :)

Though this movie isn't all serious. There were a number of comical scenes, one of which is where the usually reserved Bertie jumps around the room, dropping a number of swears. I laughed out loud and mentally documented that scene as one of my favorite movies scenes ever. 

Ok maybe Colin Firth is sexy. But just a little. And the accent helps.

Though it still remains, my favorite scene is where he cries. I don't know what it is, but whenever I see a man cry onscreen, some deep emotional chords within me are struck, and I instantly bond to their character.  

Poor Muffin :(

OH! I would also like to mention that one of the coolest dudes in history had a place in Hooper's movie. Sir Winston Churchill! YAY! 

Timothy Spall (Yes, Peter Pettigrew from Harry Potter) did a rather good impersonation of that cool guy. I will share with you guys a piece of my nutty side. All I could think about during all of Spall's screen time, was: Gee! If I were there I would follow him around and probably try to force a friendship. 

I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!!! ACCEPT ME!!!

...WTF...

Ok maybe that's a lot weirder than I originally thought.

Anyways, I would most definitely recommend The King's Speech. All in all it was a touching and inspiring film, and anyone that appreciates a really well done movie will enjoy this.

El Capitain OUT!

A really good man.

Back at last!/ Top 10 Favorite Army Movies

My sincere apologies, readers, for taking so long to update (and of course for missing yesterday's Sexy Saturday). The truth is, last week I had spent three and a half hours typing an entry, only to have blogger delete the content and then promptly auto save. How terribly inconvenient. I was far too devastated/frustrated to re-type the entry. My week got progressively more stressful, to the point where I very nearly passed out on Friday, accompanied by a couple peculiar hallucinations. So truthfully, I've been exhausted and cranky, and of course I have yet another math exam to write tomorrow. On top of that, I haven't watched a movie in ages, so I'm straining to find a subject to blog about. 

Well on Saturday, I went paintballing with a big group of friends. It was actually really fun. I loved it! I've always loved the army, and I got to live out my dream of being a soldier for a few hours. It was actually really dramatic- we had to drive waaay out of town, we got lost, ran low on gas, and had to stop at a place called 'Ghost Gas' for a fill up (the gas pumps were so old the gas dripped out slower than molasses). 

This is seriously what happened. Except there were 7 of us and we weren't driving a hamburger.

 When we were back on the road, we drove for what my friend described as "Forever and a half". We played paintball in a forest in the rain, and it was so much fun. And then it got me thinking... 

I've always loved, respected and admired soldiers, and what they do for my country. But after running through a field in the rain, carrying (what I found to be) a heavy gun, I developed a whole new kind of admiration for them. I couldn't possibly imagine doing that for real. Being a soldier would be HARD. My heart really goes out to the men out there that serve my country, today and back in the day. So I feel it is appropriate to do an article on my Top 10 favorite army movies. HUAH!

Charlie Sheen's twin. Winning!

 10. Platoon (1986)

Directed By: Oliver Stone

Which War: Vietnam

Reason: I watched Platoon once, and though it wasn't incredibly graphic, I found it to be considerably disturbing. One scene sticks out in my mind, and I haven't quite been able to shake it from my memory: "Shit, I've never seen brains like that before, man!" Platoon was grimy and it reminds us all just how filthy war is. And even though we all love our troops, some of them did some dirty, terrible things while they were overseas. But I do recall one particularly adorable scene, where Johnny Depp (that's right kids, Johnny Depp was in Platoon) carried a local child out of a village on his shoulders. Awww.

Michael Fassbender as Lt. Archie Hicox is hot!

 9. Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Directed By: Quentin Tarantino

Which War: WWII

Reason: I love Quentin Tarantino for his delightfully twisted mind and phenomenal movies. When I heard that Tarantino would be doing a WWII movie, I pretty much died and came back to life. 5 times. From pure joy and utter excitement. And although Inglourious Basterds has made it onto my sacred bookshelf of well guarded favorite films, it is 9th on my list of favorite army movies for a couple of reasons. 

1.) It is MEGA historically incorrect.

2.) The Military just doesn't work that way.

Oh darling dear, I really do like pilots!

 8. Behind Enemy Lines (2001)

Directed By: John Moore

Which War: Bosnian Conflict

Reason: What's this? Owen Wilson? In a serious movie? It blew my mind too. Seeing Owen in something other than a rom-com just feels...wrong... When I first watched this film, I was honestly expecting some cheesy war comedy starring Owen and his crooked nose. What actually happened was quite different and a bit of a surprise. The main selling point in this movie, for me, was the jets. Oh how I love fighter jets. Behind Enemy Lines was well done and entertaining to watch. Though I wouldn't call it a masterpiece and it had it's cheesy moments, there were a couple parts that were unsettling (the mass-grave scene made my stomach churn).   

These two share everything!

 7. Pearl Harbor (2001)

Directed By: Michael Bay

Which War: WWII

Reason: Pearl Harbor is a very well done film. It hosts a number of great, well developed characters and packs an emotional punch. When the movie really picks up, it gets gory and will surly leave you squirming (at least a little bit). I absolutely love the hospital scene for that reason. It was so bloody and terrible and honest... it broke my heart and I love it for that reason. I can imagine that that scene was not at all far from the truth. But like every movie, it had its flaws. I found it to be terribly long- over 3 hours (it had 2 disks. Enough Said). And I have a confession to make... I hate love stories in war movies. And this movie just so happened to have strong romantic undertones. Yuck.

1940's + Daniel Craig + Leather Jacket = Good things about to happen.

 6. Defiance (2008)

Directed By: Edward Zwick

Which War: WWII

Reason: Previously reviewed by the cinema club: [Link]! This movie was so cold, so realistic and so uncomfortable that I wrapped myself in a blanket and mentally started a food ration plan. Everybody who worked on this film made it very clear to the viewers that the characters were cold, hungry, and Miserable. I just love the fact that Jamie Bell is in the film, and Daniel Craig did an impressive job. Though this movie isn't really an "Army movie", it's about WWII and that's good enough for me! I definitely channeled this film while running through the rainy forest while paintballing. Win.  

Silly little Nazi Child.

 5. Valkyrie (2008)

Directed By: Bryan Singer

Which War: WWII

Reason: Earlier in this entry I mentioned that I had written an entry which blogger promptly deleted. That entry was actually me revealing to the world who my 2 most favorite actors are. I am utterly disappointed with Blogger (frankly that epic let-down was grounds for face slappage). That clever entry that I had crafted was my grand reveal to you who my favorite actor is. And folks, believe you me, he's a hottie. He just so happens to be in this film. And like, every other WWII movie. His Name is Thomas Kretschmann.  Unfortunately though he is not the center of attention. He is never the center of attention. Tom Cruise is the main star of this film. And that is ok considering I don't wish dismemberment and partial blindness on my precious Kretschmann. Valkyrie was an enjoyable action film. It wasn't gory or heavy or serious, and I'd recommend it to the fair-weather army movie watcher. 

Don't cry, Mr. Brody! :(

 4. The Pianist (2002)

Directed By: Roman Polanski

Which War: WWII

Reason: This movie is the definition of "Depression". It was long, exhausting, and sad. The Pianist stars Adrian Brody, who plays a Jew during the second world war. There isn't a large amount of dialogue in this film, and it isn't action packed or sexy. It's raw, grey, depressing, and absolutely perfect that way. Thomas Kretschmann (I really do regret not introducing him with a Bang- siiigh) stars as a good Nazi. I absolutely fell head over heels in love with him (Um, for the 1000th time!) while watching this film. You haven't seen a WWII movie until you've seen The Pianist.

He takes Cranky to a whole new level.

 3. Der Untergang [Downfall] (2004)

Directed By: Oliver Hirschbiegel

Which War: WWII

Reason: Oh my Goodness Bruno Ganz does THE best portrayal of Hitler EVER. This is a German Film, and I love it to pieces. You know for a while that "Someone stole Hitler's Car" vid (and all it's variations) that were so popular? (If you have answered "No", here is a [Link]for you to educate yourself with). Well, that was a clip from Der Untergang. And trust me kids, after seeing this film, no other movie portrayal of Hitler will be satisfactory. Bruno Ganz Rules. Thomas Kretschmann is also in this movie! HOORAH! But he plays a [handsome] Secondary-Character-Twit that we shall disregard. (PS: If you're sitting there wondering to yourself: Gee, who is this handsome devil Miss Capitain here is so fond of?, he's the babe that walks into the room 2 seconds into the Someone stole Hitler's Car video. You're Welcome.). Anyways, the movie takes place in Germany, 1945. It's a bit tedious and the subtitles may be a bit tiring, but it's really good.   

This is reality

 2. Black Hawk Down (2001)

Directed By: Ridley Scott

Which War: Battle of Mogadishu

Reason: This movie is LOUD, Jarring, and fantastic. It's full of explosions, amazing characters, and best of all.... *drum roll* UH-60 Black Hawks (my favorite Helicopters). It tells the true story of an elite group of US Soldiers that were shot down in an effort to capture a Somalian Warlord. I pretty much fell in love with the cast... some of my favorite actors are in there! Ewan McGregor, Ron Eldard, Tom Sizemore, Josh Hartnett, William Fichtner, and even Orlando Bloom. I thought this movie was phenomenal, and it really stressed the importance of team work. It showed how beautifully these men function as a team. It also helped fuel my absolute hellbent passion to be a helicopter pilot (a dream that mathematics has managed to extinguish). Anyways, I love this film, and there is no doubt why it's a favorite amongst men and troops alike. "Super 6-4 is going down"    

D-day is my favorite event in history. Spielberg captured the ugly reality of it perfectly.

 1. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

Directed By: Steven Spielberg

Which War: WWII

Reason: Graphic. Honest. Heartbreaking. This movie sums up the whole damn war in 169 minutes. Starring Tom Hanks and Matt Damon, who do a very good job playing two very normal people trapped in the nightmarish second world war. I love the idea behind this film, and I would most definitely recommend it to someone who loves the history of WWII. The opening scene sets the mood right away, and I can't help but love how terribly realistic it is. The first couple times I saw the Omaha Beach scene, I cried. Upon seeing the young man laying in the wet sand, his belly completely torn and his insides spilling out, yelling "Momma! Momma!" I just started bawling. Because folks, that's the reality behind it. Love this movie. 

And thus concludes The Cinema Club's article on Army movies. Unfortunately it is very late and every time I get to my feet I sway and feel as if I may pass out. I have to write a math test tomorrow, and I am less than thrilled. Thank you for reading, and I will make an honest effort to avoid going AWOL again. 

El Capitain OUT!

Sexy Saturday: Matt Damon

Hello and Welcome to yet another Sexy Saturday. This week, as a Congratulatory Gift to my Bestie, I have decided to do one of her very favorite actors as this week's well deserved Sexy Saturday winner. Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to present to you... 

Matt Damon!  

Meow :)

Matthew Paige Damon was born on October 8th, 1970. Take it from me, Folks; the hottest dudes are born in October. That's just the way it is. Matt Damon, age 40, was born in Massachusetts to Kent Damon and Nancy Carlsson-Paige. I read that he is actually a distant cousin to Ben Affleck, but since I cannot confirm that as fact and since I would like to keep up with the BFF spirit of this entry, let's just say Matt and Ben are Best best best buddies.

LOLZ Surfs up!!!

  That is perhaps one of the most comical pictures I have ever seen. Second of course to this photo of my Very Favorite Hockey player being particularly creepy... 

Well that's unfortunate.

Matt Damon is known for movies such as Good Will Hunting (1997) (which has been murmured about a couple of times on this blog, here  and here), Saving Private Ryan (1998), Ocean's Eleven (2001), Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2002), and as Jason Bourne in the smokin' hot Bourne series. Although he has appeared in a number of popular movies, I was particularly amused to learn that his first movie role was in a film called Mystic Pizza (1988).  

Matt Damon in Mystic Pizza. ... LOLOLOLOLOL

Ok, so we all know that Matty is a talented actor, but did you know that he also collaborated in the writing of Good Will Hunting, and he is a supposed Philanthropist.

One of my very favorite Matt Damon scenes EVAR was his monologue in Saving Private Ryan. Here's the clip. Enjoy.

I love that scene so so so so so much. Gotta love Damon's smile! 

Ching!

  Unfortunately I am in a bit of a hurry and I must run out the door very soon here... but before I go, I'd like to mention one last thing:

If you haven't already, you MUST see the Bourne movies. 

They. Are. AMAZING.

Hot!

Cool!

-No more temperature captions available-

Before I sign out, I'd like to leave you with some BFFL Bromance. :)

Handsome!

lolbenwtfareyoudoing?

 

 

El Capitain OUT!

 ILU Bestie

 

:)