I believe it was around this time, one year ago, that The Cinema Club was born.
That makes us One Year Old.
So we're having a little birthday party. Because really, here at the Cinema Club, we'll take any excuse to party. And so far it's been great. We've invited all Sexy Saturday alumni, and they've brought stacks of gifts.
Timmy put on a floral apron and baked the cake
Russell Crowe brought whipped cream and he and Jamie Bell got into a whipped cream fight. Both of them are completely covered. Meanwhile, Spike Lee is the DJ and Ryan Gosling is sitting in the bathtub.
Hey, girl. Care to join me?
We've got lots of alcohol here at The Cinema Club office, and it's getting pretty hot in here. Thomas Kretschmann and I wanted to do tequila shots, but Jason Statham tried to talk us out of it, because he was DD for the night and he didn't want anyone to puke in his sporty car. Thomas and I replied with:
and proceeded to do shots. Next thing we knew Gerard Butler yelled "THIS IS SPARTA!" and accidentally kicked Jamie Bell out the window. We had to go collect him off the sidewalk and he was less than pleased.
I am most displeased.
To make it up to him, we had Gerard Butler give him a cupcake and then everything was ok. Meanwhile, Wayne Knight showed up because he heard there would be food, and Jerry got pretty pissed.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
So I had to have a little chit chat with security and find out why on Earth they'd let Wayne Knight into our party. Then Rutger Hauer started playing drinking games with Gosling, and Toby Maguire was trying to see which of the female guests would actually believe he is a doctor. Things were getting a little bit out of hand, but all was interrupted when Timmy accidentally burnt the cake. So Wayne was all:
JESUS. There won't be any cake!!!
But Tim just says:
Fuck you I followed the recipe.
So Wayne puts on the floral apron and takes Timmy's place in the kitchen. We all wait at the table like:
As we're waiting for the cake, Ryan Gosling asks if anybody would like to play spin the bottle and I'm like:
Then Timmy gets a little too excited and looks at Gary Oldman like:
Gary Oldman Let's DO IT.
But then Wayne Knight finished the cake and everyone just devours it like this:
We've hardly finished our cake when Gary Oldman decides he wants to take Timmy up on his offer. So as they're making out on the table all our male guests are like:
So we move over to the next room and decide to do more shots. Liam Neeson ends up drinking everyone under the table and by 3am we're all pretty exhausted. So Jason Statham, our DD, gets everyone in the car and we leave the Cinema Club office in style.
They see us rollin', they hatin'.
But before we go home we stop at a Tim Horton's joint and drink hot chocolate in our inebriated state. Rutger Hauer looks especially adorable.
Yes, I know. I just wrote you guys a farewell message, letting you all know that I'll be crazy busy partying my buns off this week. And believe you me, I did indeed party like a Rockstarr last night. I'm spending today recuperating. Believe me, folks. Drinking Tequila Straight from a glass is fun but also leads to shenanigans which leads to being very tired. I got home at 4am and shared a bed with my cat. Instead of going out again this evening I stayed in and watched a movie. And this is a pretty good movie. The film I saw today is called The Thing. And I'm not talking about the one done in the 1950's or John Carpenter's creation that earned a 10/10 on the WTF-Scale. I'm talking about the remake of the remake.
The Thing (2011) is directed by some dude whose name I can't pronounce. Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. As far as I'm concerned and for the rest of this entry, the director's name is pronounced like this:
Now that we have the director's name all cleared up, let us begin.
So The Thing takes place in Antarctica, which is pretty much the best setting for a horror movie. Why is this? Not only is it entirely isolated and help is nowhere to be found, it's really fucking cold.
Brr.
As my Father would say, Antarctica is located on "the bum of the planet" therefore it receives very little sunlight. And you and I both know that horror movies are scariest when they're in the dark! So a team of scientists, etc, are called forth when an interesting discovery is made... a Space ship, that is. And a specimen.
[Insert spooky oooooo sound here]
So in case you were unaware,The Thing is in fact an alien movie. And I think it's a fantastic alien movie. Not only is it quite similar to the classic Alien, but it also has a demonic possession feeling to it.
This movie does an excellent job at drawing you in, right from the start. The idea in this movie is that the Alien has the ability to take the form of the last being it kills. So naturally, the monster could be anyone at the base...
Well this is awkward.
My brother and I turned into hardcore detectives during this film. We were practically documenting everybody's whereabouts on a freakin' clipboard for the duration of the film. We'd pause and take attendance, just like Middle School. We were Sherlock and Watson. The baddest brother/sister alien detection squad there ever was.
So I suppose its fair to say that this movie is extremely gripping. Either that or my brother and I got way too intense and enjoyed the movie too much. Now, I'd like to mention something. Whenever I pick a favorite character in a movie, they're always doomed. Doomed to die a terrible death. Example:
Favorite:
Thomas Kretschmann as Major Cain in Resident Evil: Apocalypse
Result:
Nibbled by Zombies.
Favorite:
♥Tim Roth as Mr. Orange in Reservoir Dogs♥
Result:
Bleeding to death
Favorite:
John Hurt as Kane in Alien
Result:
Alien bursts through chest.
etc.
Despite my unfortunate talent for getting the guys I declare my favorite inmovieskilled , I continually insist on picking favesies. And I picked a favorite in The Thing.
*Facepalm*
I couldn't resist! He was really hot in a Tim Roth sort of way so I had to declare that he was my favorite.
This is he.
Mmmmmm! Me likey! Me likey! He's British. I love his character's snarky attitude. And since I never really picked up on his name through the film, I named him myself. I called him:
My Babe.
Though he was mostly called My Babe, he was also referred to as "The Brit" in my bro and I's attendance calls.
Shush your mouth, we're taking attendance!
Seriously, though. Don't you agree? Isn't he fantastic? He's hot and he's got a bad attitude. He's the kind of guy that would be allowed to bring handcuffs into my bedroom, if you know what I mean.
You can adore his face at 1:34. He's the one on the far right:
And here he is gnawing on gum and being a friendly mofugga at the premier:
I've gotten off track.
Where was I going with this? Ah, yes. Favorites. Doomed.
I'm sorry I killed you! Waa. *Icecream*
In all seriousness, My Babe aside, this is a really great film. It's even more fun when you get into it like my brother and I did. My Bro pretty much had his shit together. He had it all figured out, he knew what the deal was, he kept tabs on the characters, he was on the ball. Me, not so much. I spent most of the movie realizing I probably wouldn't make it that long. While my brother was the Bear Grylls of Antarctica and Aliens, I was like:
I WOULD HAVE DIED.
Not to mention I would likely spend the entire time bitching about the weather.
I'm cold! Its snowing! I wanna go home! Give me hot chocolate! I can't find my warm socks! Pay attention to me! I'm cold! I can see my breath! Someone lend me their jacket! Don't actually give me your jacket, you'll freeze! I'm cold! BRR! It's really fucking Brr outside! I want hot chocolate! I want to be in Mexico! Why isn't it nice outside? Someone light a fire!
Etc.
I'd pretty much be the first to go. So I'll just enjoy my position as the observer and cheer for My Babe as he fights aliens in the frigid cold.
Ok, I keep trying to get serious but the tequila that's still lingering in my system is prohibiting that.
Let's put it this way, the first bit of the movie is actually really grody. Its scary as hell and you can't help but cringe and consider turning off the TV/ encouraging the characters to get on the helicopter while they still have a chance. The scene where we see the shower is actually horrifying (and that's coming from someone who is not squeamish at the sight of blood in the slightest bit).
You do have to pay attention though, as the characters can be a bit tricky to keep tabs on: Who is Lars, again? Is he the guy with the beard? <--- My point.
Although I have never seen John Carpenter's The Thing (I know, a movie sin) I get the feeling that it might be scarier than this new one. Though of course I cannot actually say this, as I have not seen it. This new movie is supposedly the Prequel to Carpenter's. I am rather excited to see the 80's version. I was once told to watch The Thing while its snowing outside, as it "heightens the tension". Believe it or not it's not actually snowing up here in the Great White North, so I'll just have to make do without.
The Final Word: I recommend it. This movie was fun and there were a number of scenes that surprised me so bad I either jumped out of my skin or screamed a little (or both). BUT if you're excited that this movie takes place in Antarctica because thats where the Penguins live, I'll tell you that you shouldn't get your hopes up, as the penguins had enough sense to get the hell outta dodge.
Ah, this is the perfect topic to be covering the day after Valentine's Day! A movie with my favorite actor... isn't that lovely! I'm really excited to do this post because I happen to love the movie we're going to be talking about. But before we get into that, I feel the need to express how weird the ads on my blog are. I was checking things out, making sure it was all looking good, when the ad that Google decided to match me up with was a dating site for cougars. Ummm.... just a few years ago I was still Jail Bait. So I just smile and nod.
Yeah, mhm, thanks Google. Thanks a bunch.
Right, so the movie we're going to talk about today is King Kong (2005), because it happens to have my favorite actor in it. Now, if you're a regular reader of this blog you'll know that I love to sing Tim Roth's praises. And yes, although I love him to bits and pieces, my favorite actor is actually Thomas Kretschmann.
#LongTermCommittedRelationship.
So, I'm not really much of a hipster. At all. But when it comes to Thomas Kretschmann, I'm like, the original hipster.
I liked Thomas Kretschmann before Thomas Kretschmann was cool.
See? The Canadian Puck Bunny has a hipster side.
As a matter of fact, I liked Thomas Kretschmann before any of you non-Europeans knew he even existed. I'm pretty much the Thomas Kretschmann pioneer, celebrating his German hotness before he was in any big American movies.
Over half a decade of Kretschmann Love.
This should be my slogan.
So, although I love Thomas in all his foreign films (he looks ridiculously delicious in his Nazi Uniforms) and appreciate that he's bilingual, I especially love the Character he plays in King Kong. Back when all you 12 year olds were 7 freakin' years old, this hunk of German love played Captain Englehorn in Peter Jackson's masterpiece remake of King Kong. Believe me-
Ahhhg, my finger is bleeding!
Panic averted.
-Believe me, that is an amazing movie. Its the perfect adventure story that blends love, comedy, and seriousness together in one hell of a good time. Although, this film is about a bagillion hours long and usually requires a considerable amount of patience. Or popcorn. Maybe both.
ooooh, all the filthy, dirty, kinky, slutty captions I could put on this photo....
Seriously. He is the reason why I go by the alias Captain. Well, one of the reasons anyways. There are a few. But he's one of them!
Wheeee!
Back in High School, I did an analysis of his character. And believe me, Captain Englehorn is a very complicated character and he is extremely mysterious. And readers, we all know there are few things hotter than a sexy, brooding, mysterious man in a position of power.
Call me.
Seriously, every time I see him I either get the hiccups, butterflies, or end up saying something embarrassing like:
I want to have your babies.
The previous caption on the above photo was too inappropriate and had to be replaced by something tame.
MOVING ON NOW, so King Kong is really awesome and I recommend you all see it. Especially since Thomas Kretschmann is smoking hot and now that he's popular you can all be fan girly and pretend you've loved him ~totes for like, evarrr~. Yeah. But don't forget who introduced you to this smokin' hot son of a bitch. Me, Captain, otherwise known as the Canadian Puck Bunny.
Me having goo-goo eyes for Captain Englehorn, 2005
So, if you know what's good for you, go check out Peter Jackson's King Kong. Dooo iiiiit.
And yeah, don't make fun of his hat. His hat is bitchin'.
So today I pretty much had an orgasm when the commercial for the show The River came on TV. I got so excited that I just had to blog about it right away. What am I so excited about, you may ask? WELL, my favorite actor since foreverrr is now on an American TV show that looks like its going to be very popular.
This was me:
OMAGAD SO EXCITED!
Thomas Kretschmann (AKA German Heartthrob) is playing Captain *swoon* Kurt Brynildson.
...Whoa...
So Thomas Kretschmann is pretty much the hottest man alive. Potentially hotter than Tim Roth (though that matter is always debatable). And now he's on TV on weeknights.
WHEEEE!!!
I can't even freakin' wait. Now the biggest decision I'll have to make on Wednesday nights is if I would rather watch Hockey or Thomas Kretschmann on The River. Hmm... Decisions decisions.
My life is complete.
If you are interested in The River and/or Thomas Kretschmann and want some information about the show, here is the link to the IMDB Page: [Link]. Now, this is a "horror/thriller" show, and Thomas Kretschmann had the unfortunate habit of always getting bumped off in the movies he's in. Let's hope he manages to stay alive for more than 7 Episodes. :)
Oh My Goodness Readers I am so sorry! I missed your favorite day of the week!
Sexy Saturday!
But what's a girl to do? Yesterday I was so busy freezing my buns off in this insufferable Canadian Climate that I didn't have time to bring you the libido-boosting post I know you all crave.
In these temperatures, a girl needs two things: Underarmour and a warm boyfriend.
In other news, Hot Chelle Rae's one hit wonder "Tonight Tonight" happens to be stuck in my head. And I honestly don't know what to make of this.
It's been a really really messed up week...
No.
^Your face now that Tonight Tonight is stuck in your head too
So, dear readers, my apologies for moving at a glacial pace and taking an ice-age to bring you your Sexy Saturday. Without further ado, I'd like to bring to you this week's gorgeous man-god (who happens to be a Belated Birthday Boy aswell):
Ryan Gosling!
Holy shit.
Readers, let me tell you something. It is very hard to give me butterflies. I can only think of two human beings I have met in the flesh that have done this to me. On top of that, veryfewcelebrities have achieved this. Let me tell you, Ryan Gosling gives me butterflies. Hardcore.
Ryan Thomas Gosling was born on the 12th of November, 1980. Wanna hear something awesome?
HE'S CANADIAN.
F*ck yeah, EH!
Gosling was born in London, Ontario to Thomas and Donna Gosling. He has an older sister, and was raised in a Mormon Household. Gosling's parents divorced when he was a child.
Apparently, Ryan was diagnosed with ADHD and he was placed in a Special Needs class.
Special-Ed with Ryan Gosling! Teeheeheehee
So let's talk about Ryan Gosling's Filmogrophy. Every one and their mother knows he starred in The Notebook (Which I haven't seen...) But what else has he been in? Where can we catch more Ryan Gosling screen-time? Allow me to educate you.
Remember the Titans (2000)
The Believer (2001)
The Slaughter Rule (2002)
Murder by Numbers (2002)
The United States of Leland (2003)
The Notebook (2004)
Stay (2005)
Half Nelson (2006)
Fracture (2007)
Lars and the Real Girl (2007)
... I wanted to omit this.
Blue Valentine (2010)
All the good things (2010)
Drive (2011)
Crazy, Stupid, Love. (2011)
The Ides of March (2011)
And that is all. For now.
Ok, I'm sorry, but can I just take a second here to talk about how
freakin' hot he is???
My clothes took themselves off, I swear.
I mean, I want to deliver a quality post full of fun facts and intelligent jokes. But...
THIS:
Keeps getting in the way.
Ok. Serious now. Let's talk about his charities. As it turns out, this cutie is a real charitable guy. And here at the Cinema Club, we like that. A lot.
Gosling dips into his wallet for Invisible Children, PETA, SickKids Foundation, and Silverlake Conservatory of Music.
GEEZUS!
*Shiver*
I.... I'm speechless. I really don't have much to say. All I can really formulate in my mind is an incomprehensible mush of vowels and half-words. Kinda like this:
fhsjdhfsi'ghdnshikhfbah<3
The Top 3 Reasons Why I Love Ryan Gosling:
He looks like a sexy Tim Roth x Thomas Kretschmann Hybrid
Blonde hair and blue eyed boys make me melt
He is both talented and charitable
I suppose it would be prudent to mention that he also makes Music. That's right, kids. Not only does he act, but he also sings. And he's actually pretty good. Dead Man's Bones. Look 'em up.
Jesus Christ! You're good with kids too?? Marry me already!
Alright. I suppose we've drooled over this poor man enough already. It's time to put this Sexy Saturday to an end. But first...
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