Insidious

Insidious 
[in-sid-ee-uh s]
-Adjective
1.intended to entrap or beguile: an insidious plan
2.Stealthily treacherous or deceitful: an insidious enemy 
3. operating or proceeding in an inconspicuous or seemingly harmless way but actually with grave effect: an insidious disease.
(www.dictionary.com) 

Last night I went to the theater with two good friends to see Insidious (directed by James Wan). As you can see from the definition above, this isn't exactly a very friendly movie. Now, usually I am good with horror movies, and I'm able to laugh them off. The Grudge? Haha! The Exorcist? Made me hungry for Pea Soup! The Shining? Didn't phase me! But Insidious...? I screamed like a baby.

This was me. Minus the horse.

  The beginning of the film lured you into a false sense of cheesiness. The opening credits were done over a montage of black and white photos of the interior of a house, done with the kind of horror music you find royalty free off the internet. But then a title card pops up, and INSIDIOUS is written across the screen in red, Chiller-like font, and jarring string music assaults your ears. 

Aside from Paranormal Activity 2, this was the first Horror Movie I saw in Theaters. 

And it was awesome.

Though I wouldn't say the acting was very good, I will admit I was SO excited to see Ty Simpkins, the little boy that Played as Russell Crowe's son in The Next Three Days. 

Ty Simpkins and Uncle Rusty being awesome together in The Next Three Days

Insidious stars Rose Byrne and Patrick Wilson as Renai and Josh Lambert, a happy young couple that just moved into a new house with their three kids. Now although the guys that write these scripts try their very hardest to make these people seem very average, so the viewer can easily relate themselves to the characters they see on screen, I can't help but laugh, because frankly, they always create a family of dumb-asses. Seriously. Because when you hear the baby monitor saying: I WANT IT NOW! In a demonically creepy Man-voice, you don't sit there cocking your head humming and hawing... You get a knife from your kitchen and charge into that room like an angry Velociraptor.

Baby Monitors are creepy enough as it is.

 But stupid Horror movie cliches aside, this was actually a really scary movie.  It went something like this: 

My Friend and I's expressions.

Then THIS pops up On screen....

My Reaction. "OH SWEET JESUS!!!"

My Friend's reaction. "I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING! LOOK HOW AWESOME MY REFLEXES ARE!!!"

So let's talk a little bit about that creepy demon face, ya? Look familiar? Think back to the year 1999... to Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. 

It's Darth Maul with a Hair Transplant and an ear piercing!!!

 My friend likes to say that it looks like Darth Maul crossed with an Orc. 

mmmindeed but after extensive viewing of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, I have come to the inevitable conclusion that the cross breeding of an Orc and Darth Maul would indubitably result in this ghastly looking demon.   

I'd say her math is correct.

 I'd like to mention that the part of this movie that I found THE most terrifying, was that they added Tiny Tim's "Tip Toe Through The Tulips" at multiple points in the film. 

And trust me kids, it doesn't get any scarier than Tiny Tim. 

I hate how much he resembles Tim Roth.

I'd say one of the flaws with this film was that it didn't leave enough to the imagination. They were very forward with presenting their demons and ghosts, leaving very little to the imagination. So although some of the things they showed in this film were out right creepy, I'm sure lots of you Horror film buffs would be able to Laugh off some of their scare attempts. 

Needless to say, Upon arriving at home late at night, I ran up my drive way like a coward. The fact that my drive way was covered in ice and snow and that I was in high heels resulted in lots of this: 

Face Plant.

Oh, and PS: The twist at the end made me want to stab myself in the heart with a straw from the concession stand. 

El Capitain OUT!