Prince of the NHL.

So I like hockey. But this is a movie blog. I somehow have to cleverly mash the two together so non-hockey folk can still enjoy a blog about movies. Well folks, today I came to a realization. It dawned on me that the NHL is actually harboring a refugee from Narnia. 

It's true!

The Pittsburgh Penguin Kris Letang

Prince Pittsburgh

Is actually Prince Caspian from Narnia 

NARNIA!

MIND IS BLOWN.

Newsies! important matters that must be discussed.

38 thousand views will soon be upon us.

Yes. Really.

Let's talk about important matters.

1.) My favorite hockey team lost last night ...again... and I'm ready to wail in despair. It's like my own personal apocalypse. If this shit keeps up, this is going to be me: 

   

 

2. It's really freakin' cold outside. The kind of cold that makes you cough and freezes fingers off. The kind of cold that only real Canadians can withstand.

3. Tim Roth, Jamie Bell, and Gary Oldman were all in Milan together and I don't know why. Though after running a brief Google search, I figure they're in Milan for... a modeling gig??? 

Yep. That's right. They're modeling Prada.

For the longest time I'd see Jamie Bell and Tim Roth tweeting about Milan. Rothy is an avid TwitPic-er so every morning I'd have to look at pictures like these: 

While I froze my ass off in conditions like these: 

Hullo? Anybody dere? Cannot see, snow too thick. Steve? Dat you? No, just frozen penguin.

^ What I see when I look out my window.

 But then Tim Roth tweets a Photo like this: 

Jamie Bell on the left.

And I feel like this:

Toasty.

The fact that Tim Roth is taking pictures of Jamie Bell is just so.... *flail*

 

 ^This was me when I discovered the two were in Milan together. 

Fangirl Pandemonium. 

Then Jamie Bell kept going on about a "Motley Group of Bastards" and I assume that by that he is referring to the Pretty Boy Squad that went to Milan to model Prada.

So there you have it, The Cinema Club Newsies. Lets recap on what we've learned today:

1. My hockey team makes me cry.  (But I still love them).

Look what they've done to me.

2. Canada is cold. Especially the part I live in.

Streets are buried under  6 feet of snow. Walk dog on roof.

3. Jamie Bell and Tim Roth joined up with Gary Oldman and Adrian Brody (and some other dudes) in Milan and had good times while modeling Prada clothing.

Epic Brodeo.

I think that perhaps the Evil Gnomes that got together and created The Grey with the sole perpose to scare the living daylights out of me felt bad and decided to do something nice. So they said:

Evil Gnome #1: Rothy and Jamie, go forth to Milan to model atrociously expensive clothing.  

Evil Gnome #2:Take pictures of each other and put them out in the Twitterverse. Your bromancing will bring forth Merriment and glee to El Capitain. 

Evil Gnome #3: She has recently reached the all-time low of buying a second-hand sweater and wearing her sweatpants in public. You must bring joy into her life. 

Evil Gnome #1: Milan is the prefect stage for Bromance Merriment.

Evil Gnome #2: Gary Oldman should tag along too.

Evil Gnome #3: This is our best idea yet.

A movie made just for me.

Regular readers of this blog have become acquainted with my likes and dislikes, favorite actors, and the things that scare me. It has become clear that I am terrified of wolves. Now the other day, I was at home watching a hockey game  (my team won, btw) when suddenly a movie preview came on. The trailer is for a movie called The Grey. That's a pretty haunting movie title, if you ask me. What is the movie about, you may ask? Oh, just a plane crash and how the survivors are getting picked off one by one by wolves. 

The terror!

Here's the trailer, for your viewing pleasure:

The only good thing about this movie is the fact that Liam Neeson is in it. Every female in this planet loves Liam Neeson. This is a fact. 

So I came to the realization that there is a board of evil gnomes that spent a year studying me and learned all about me... and this is what they decided to do: 

Evil Gnome #1: Well she's a rather timid creature, and has an apparent fear of wolves and dangerous canines that growl and stalk you in the dark. 

Evil Gnome #2: Indeed. She also dislikes the cold and often complains about the snow. 

Evil Gnome #3: Yes. I caught her buying an ugly Chesapeake sweater from a second hand store last week. 

Evil Gnome #2: How pitiful. 

Evil Gnome #1: She also made a facebook status about Liam Neeson being "A+".

Evil Gnome #3: Furthermore, she's completely obsessed with hockey. Occasions where she's required to separate herself from the TV while her team is playing seem to cause her high levels of stress and discomfort.

Evil Gnome #2: So it only makes sense to make a movie about a group of men whose plane crash lands in Alaska, during the dead of winter!

Evil Gnome #1: Perfect! They crash land in complete and total isolation, where there is no hockey to be found. 

Evil Gnome #2: But freezing to death just isn't good enough. There has to be something more...

Evil Gnome #3: The obvious answer is to have a pack of hungry wolves stalking and eating the survivors of the crash.

Evil Gnome #2: Genius!

Evil Gnome #1: Liam Neeson should star in this film.

Evil Gnome #3: This is our best idea yet.  

That's totally what happened.

Why can't they be 3 nice gnomes that make a Bromance movie about a hockey team that goes on a cross-county road trip that turns into a heist with helicopters, race cars and wild horses starring Tim Roth, Thomas Kretschmann, Ron Eldard, Ryan Gosling, and Jamie Bell? Sigh. I'll keep dreaming.

Tintin

My family spends Christmas in the mountains, in an awesome little city where skiing reigns supreme. The night before Christmas Eve, my father, my brother, my aunt and I walked up main street to the town's only cinema, to go see Tintin. Now I'd like to introduce to you, my dear audience, a little part of my family. My Father's half of the family is French Canadian. My Dad grew up in Montreal, Quebec, where he learned to speak both English and French. As a child, my father was super into comic books. His reading of choice? 

Tintin. 

My father could recite the original Hergé comics by heart, and he's kept them all his life. We have a bookshelf full of French Tintin comics (all in French) in the basement. And let me tell you, they're awesome!   

So let's take a little trip in the Way-Back machine, to April 3 2011 when I did the Jamie Bell Sexy Saturday. In this post I expressed my absolute delight on the subject of Jamie Bell being Tintin. Sure, Jamie Bell is British and Tintin is from Belgium, but hey... it's pretty cool. 

Wheeeee!

 Now.... my inner Frenchie is screaming and clawing and begging to be let out... I shall allow it just this once: 

POUTINE!

JUSTE POUR RIRE!

TABERNAC!

Tintin is not Pronounced the way they say it in the film. That's just so.... English.... This is how his name is properly pronounced:

I haven't felt this French since I did that thing in that room with that guy half a year ago...

bad joke alert.

And this is why I must keep my inner Frenchie under wraps.

 

Moving on!

I would really like to mention that the animation in Tintin: The Secret Of The Unicorn was absolutely gorgeous. A couple of times I forgot that I was watching an animated movie. 

Well done, animation people. Well done.

The animation was stellar, and the the movie was an absolute joy to watch. It was a super fantastic adventure story, and I loved every bit of it. Though the movie did seem to drag out just a little bit at the end. But I could have been feeling this way because my Beloveds (AKA my favorite Hockey Team) was playing a game that night, and every time I tried to check the score on my cellular device, my aunt would elbow me and hiss "Stop it! That's annoying!"  

Aside from the fact that the story in the movie was changed from the original in the comic a bit, the movie was so true to the characters! The likeness was superb and I was thoroughly impressed.  

HEY, speaking of my Hockey Team, they'll be playing a game shortly and I must watch. With that, I put this post to a close. All I have to say is this: 

Tintin is awesome, and if you love adventure stories, you must watch. 

Oh right, PS: Simon Pegg and Nic Frost 

Yes, these guys.

 

Were in the movie aswell. Along with Daniel Craig and Andy Serkis. So I guess you can say Billy Elliot, two Overly enthusiastic British cops, James Bond, and Gollum all joined up and brought you an amazing movie.

Now, I really must go. My Beloveds need me (at this point in their basement dwelling I may or may not be their last remaining fan).

El Capitain OUT! 

I see this and I think blowjob.

This is why I love Tim Roth

Ok, readers. I know what you're thinking: two posts in one night! Well we all know you blog to procrastinate so you must have something important to do. What is it you're avoiding doing now, Captain? Well readers, here's the truth. I have to get up early tomorrow. I'm going skiing with my "Brothers from another mother" (<------- anti-swag). I'm not ready to hit the hay just yet, though, and I think I want to end the year 2011 with a post about one of my very favorite actors, Sexy Saturday Alumnus Tim Roth. 

For those of you who are not familiar with this super talented actor, allow me to fill you in on who he is. Tim Roth is a British actor that does lots of movies about people that lived in the time-era where powdered wigs were cool. 

yeah buddy.

You may have seen him in Rob Roy, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead, or the (once popular) TV show Lie to Me. He was also in Pulp Fiction, and my very favorite movie Reservoir Dogs. I'll do everyone a favor and put a face to the name: 

Tada.

So obviously I much adore this actor for his talent, his looks (*drool*), and his apparent swagger. But recently I joined the Twitter, and naturally he was one of the first people I chose to follow. I was pleasantly surprised to find that he is extremely friendly, engaging, and just 100% AWESOME to his fans! Not only does he share regular "Nighty-night" tweets (Swoon), but he also posts pictures of his pets and himself. 99% Huggage from Tim Roth? Yes Please. 

It actually just occurs to me that loads of celebrities probably do this... I mostly just follow the NHL and my favorite hockey players so I wouldn't really know. But as far as I'm concerned, Tim Roth is awesome and the fact that he loves his fans makes him that much cooler. 

He has a cat named Sid. This man is adorable.

So I suppose this post has been a celebration of Rothiness. And so it goes. :) 

El Capitain out! 

PS: 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hanna

Lately I've been thinking about things that I actually love. I'll make a sample list. 

Things that El Capitain Actually LOVES.

1. My Sweatpants. 
2. My Horse.
3. My Family. 
4. My Hockey Team. 
5. My (best) Friends. 
6. Last August. 
7. Adventures. 
8. Perfume. 
9. Romance Sleeping.
10. Movies.      

Which movies make it onto the 'Love' list? Reservoir Dogs, King Kong, Inglourious Basterds, to name a few.
Well this year for Christmas my mother gave my dad the movie Hanna as a gift. And let me tell you, this movie actually might have a spot on that list of movie-love.

 

As a matter of fact, the more I think about this movie, the more I like it and the more I want to see it again. In my humble opinion, this movie was fabulously directed, the cinematography was out-of-this-world gorgeous, and the soundtrack was haunting and suiting. 

  As a short summary, this movie is about a young girl named Hanna who is raised in isolation by her father. Every day of Hanna's life is training, and by the time she is 14 years old, Hanna is a killing machine; nimble, strong, fast, and smart.

Since I encourage everybody that is reading this review to go and watch this movie, I refuse to give out even the slightest spoilers. But take it from me, Hanna is a bit like the Bourne movies with a twist. 

Part of the film's shock value comes from the character Hanna herself. Hanna is a beautiful fourteen year old girl with the face of innocence. It is shocking at the beginning of the film to find a blue-eyed girl standing over a dying Caribou and saying "I missed your heart".

Hanna redefines tough-girl, and her journey across Europe is stunningly beautiful and an absolute joy to watch. This film is a glorious mix of action, stellar beauty, intrigue, and contains an enjoyable soundtrack by the Chemical Brothers. 

Cordoba, Spain. I've been there! Though I do not recall a German in a yellow track suit sitting on the hood of a car.

Might I also add, This film also stars Eric Bana. Who we all know is very cute. 

I believe the appropriate girly caption for this photo would be "adorbs" or something like that.

I suppose the only sort of "flaw" this movie has is the some-what weak storyline. But I don't think anyone will be picking the simple story apart because they're too busy admiring how well this film was put together. 

I believe this is why we all envy blondes.

 

Yesterday I was crying over a sore heart. I endured an emotional sucker punch and I haven't been handling it very well. My father said to me that I need to have a little more Hanna in me. I suppose he's right, maybe I should. Maybe we all should. 

I missed your heart.

Finals have RUINED me!

Readers, I have come to a realization...

My Blog is smut.

Yes, really. 

I can't even remember the last time I talked about movies. Lately there have just been a whole bunch of posts like this:

Look at me, I'm Ryan Gosling! I'm adorable and the object of your sexual fantasies! CHECK IT OUT I'm in a bathtub!

I know most of you aren't complaining, but really this is quite ridiculous and I'm sure I've driven all my male readers away.

I'm sorry! Please come back! D:

To make matters even worse, I forgot to wish everyone a happy Thanks Giving! 

I really need to pull my act together.

But the truth is I am a Unavertute Universety University Student, and I am supposed to be studying for finals... But in reality I'm just dying a slow and painful death surrounded by textbooks and scrap paper. I've forgotten what it's like to sleep. 

So I'll tell you what. After Finals are done, perhaps sometime in the New Year, I shall return and bring you all posts about Movies. With of course weekly Sexy Saturdays. And sometimes those super hot "Cure for the Mondays" posts. 

Christoph Waltz approves.